Five Keys to Successful Relationships include: joining, honesty, equality, commitment and responsibility.
I have some specific and practical suggestions to add which will be shared with our relationships coaching circle to which you are all invited on Wednesday nights. Also I have written a Relationships Reminders little book (180 pgs of helpful guidelines) which is available to you.
The first key is a common vision or goal for every partnership.
It is best that this goal be expressed and be true for both parties.
(Peace, healing, having fun, mutual support, living a dream together, raising children well, etc.)
It works well if the vision or goal is revisited periodically. (Robert and I check in on our mission, purpose and goal priorities every few months and from that recreate and renew our shared mission, purpose and goals.) Make the goal big enough to include what each person wants. (In a family the goal may be that we listen to, respect and support each other's happiness.)
Second key is open honest communication with no secrets or withholds.
Secrets are a form of deception. When we keep a secret there is a block in our openness to give and receive. Gossiping or talking about our relationship with a friend, parent or even therapist without our partner's agreement is a form of betrayal or creating a more significant alliance with someone else. Keep your relationship matters within your relationship or recognize and communicate the truth…that the relationship interests are not confidential or primary. Gossip in any form is still gossip, talking about someone who is not present and without their consent. Recognize that all words, thoughts and deeds affect the other whether or not they are present. PS. With a spiritual therapist, all that is said is offered up in prayer for healing, clearing and the highest Good.
Third key is equality in giving and receiving, teaching and learning.
Where there is a willingness to give and receive the best from one another, there is equality even if with a guru and a new student, a child and a wise elder. Equality is in the agreement to give one's best in each moment, no matter what the current state of either. Recognize that we are not all at the same level of ability. When we are sick or hurried, in stress or fearful, we are limited in consciousness. However, if we are giving our best we are giving equally. There is no comparison needed when we are in a conscious and committed relationship or partnership. It is always up to the most conscious one at the time to take the spiritual lead. Be willing to listen before responding. Be willing to step back from your opinion and attachments, before demanding. Be willing to really accept and understand where another is coming from before you think you know what is best.
Fourth key is commitment to whatever is for the highest and best for both.
If best to have more space and take quiet time, choose it.
If best to share all monies in the household, do it.
If best to live apart, do it.
If best to set aside time daily to offer appreciation, do it.
If best to stop all criticism and complaining, do it.
If best to share all household chores, do it.
If best to stop talking with others about your relationship, do it.
If best to let go of your past history, choose it;
If best to take separate vacations and retreats, do it.
You see your commitment must be to what is best for both!
Fifth key is the willingness to be totally responsible for the quality of the relationship.
If both people are giving 100% and taking full responsibility there is always enough.
When even one person stops fighting and arguing to be right, the fights stop.
When even one person decides to extend only love and appreciation, everything changes.
When even one person becomes a genuine unconditional giver, both parties are blessed.
When even one person is happy and at peace, the relationship blossoms with warmth and light.
Remember, you are choosing the character and quality of your relationships with everyone, strangers, salesclerks, neighbors, family members and those you live with everyday.
Loving you totally, Betty Lue
Joined in mutual respect and love.
Honest and open
Holding the highest regard for you and learning from you and everyone.
Committed to only the highest Good
Taking full responsibility for the quality of our relationship.
Betty Lue
PS.
For those of you who like perfection in print.....I write these reminders in 10-20 minutes with no outline, no editing and no correction except what my computer does automatically. They come from the wisdom and Love that lives in me as spirit. I trust them implicitly and am so grateful they are given to and received by me daily for thirty years and sent out on email to thousands since January 1, 1999.