Monday, September 30, 2013

Body Images

I love myself as I Am.
I appreciate the life I have.
I enjoy using my body and mind for seeing and creating only Good for All.
I take impeccable care of all of me, body, mind and Spirit, relationships, work and finances 

When I hear about young girls who are overly concerned and hurting themselves because of their body size and shape, So I consulted with my 9 yr. old granddaughters and their friend.  While still young, they are very aware of this issue, plus bullying and how children can be cruel. Some of their messages are below.

There is no right or wrong!
Everyone has their own unique body.
Chubby or skinny, tall or short and just right for you.
We seem to judge people by how we judge their body.

Each body is different from every other body.
Every body is meant to be healthy and happy.
Each body is to be used for communicating Love.
When we use the body to Love, it is healthy and happy.

Every body needs the right food to keep it healthy.
Every body needs the best fuel to keep it energized.
When we use the right fuel, our body stays healthy and happy.
When we use the wrong fuel, our body gets tired and heavy.

Some people feed their body with too much food and drink.
Some people feed their body with too little food or the wrong fuel.
Some people don’t pay attention to what is right for their body.
Some people just give their body whatever they can get easily.

Most bodies need exactly the right food, eaten at the right times for the right reason.
There are many theories, diets, researched info, supplements and cultural norms.
There obviously is no right or wrong except in comparison with those around us.
We are programmed to believe what is best and society keep changing the norm.

Take time to love to appreciate your body for how it serves you in everything you do.
What you appreciate increases in value.
As you value your body and its service to you, you will increase in health and well-being.
As you enjoy your body and the way it functions for you, you will take care of the body better.

As with anything, we need to forgive ourselves for judging.
We hurt ourselves by judging, comparing and evaluating.
We are condemning the gift that is given us to use for Good.
We need to remember to utilize and care for our bodies well.

We, the adults in our culture, need to stop judging body types, sizes and shapes.
We need to see and love the person inside the body.
We must remember bodies are vehicles and communication devices for teaching only Love.
We can then let go of judging and use our bodies wisely and in service of doing Good.

Time to clear up our unnatural eating habits as well.
For each person the needs and habits are different.
We must allow each child to determine what foods, how much and when they eat.
We must respect individual differences so we all do what is “natural” for us.

Conscious Eating encourages us to:
Eat when hungry.
Stop when satisfies.
Eat exactly what we want.
Eat with no distractions. 

Eating is to be enjoyed, but may become an addiction or source of self Love.
Eating is required to live, but can be a way to hurt ourselves.
Eating is no longer identified with enjoyable family time, but often is done with TV or alone.
Eating can be to live or it can become the reward in life.

All in all, let go of trying to become and enjoy who you are.
Undo what is judged about you and seek to find your own Truth.
Trust in the Good within you tather than use the body as excuse or source of pride.
You are far more than your body and what others think of you.

You are a Gift of Love.
Appreciate the Love in You.
I know I do.
Loving you, 
Betty Lue

Mastering the Art of Conscious Eating
Jeffrey Migdow, M.D., Program Director at the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in Lenox, Massachusetts says, “People who practice conscious eating, notice they’re eating from one-third to one-half less than they used to and feel more satisfied.” He suggests:
1.      As you prepare your meal, pick a time when you won’t be disturbed. Create a beautiful environment, make sure you’re comfortable and relaxed.
2.      Put your meal in bowls or plates that are attractive to you.
3.      Before placing food in your mouth, take 2 minutes to breathe and relax.
4.      Be aware of your reasons for eating. Ask yourself, “Why am I eating this food? What do I want to get out of this meal?”
5.      Make sure that you really want this food you have prepared.
6.      Take only two-thirds of the food you think you need.
7.      Take a few deep breaths.
8.      Look at the food, notice the colors and textures.
9.      Decide you will stay as relaxed and conscious as possible.
10.    Slowly bring the food up to your nose and smell its fragrance.
11.    Become aware of all the ingredients that went into the food.
12.    Eat slowly, really tasting the food.
13.    Chew thoroughly.
14.    Put silverware down between bites.
15.    Breathe as you eat. This slows down thought and makes you aware of sensations in your body.
16.    Resolve that after you’re done, you will really relax. If you do this in advance, you’ll be relaxed all the way through the meal.

Principles of Conscious Eating
from “Thin Within”
1.      Eat only when truly hungry
         Ask yourself, “Am I truly hungry or just wanting to eat to take care of some other feeling (like fatigue, disappointment, loneliness, etc)?”
2.      Eat exactly what you want
         No substitutions.  If you want a certain brand of something, go to the store.  A small quantity of exactly what you’re craving works where lots of a substitute still won’t satisfy you.
3.      Eat only what really tastes good
         Take one bite of the desired food in your mouth.  Taste it thoroughly.  If it is perfect and tastes good, eat it with joy.  If not perfect, spit it out (do not swallow) and ask again “What do I really want?”
         P.S.  I lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks doing just this.  BL
4.      Eat with no distractions
         No TV, radio, reading, conversation.  Focus solely on the joy and satisfaction of eating.  Sit down and treat yourself to the pleasure of feeding yourself exactly what you want in a relaxed environment.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

How To Decide?

I trust the decisions I make.
Life works for me, because I make good choices.
I always choose for the highest Good for All.
I know what I really want and I choose wisely and well.
(Remember we won’t believe 100% in the affirmation we choose, because we have limiting beliefs and faulty programs. The affirmation is designed to erase our blocks to listening within to our conscience, our inner guide. By doing affirmations we gradually clear away the blocks to hearing what is right and true and highest and best for all.)

Criticize or Praise?
Hate or Love?
Hurt or Heal?
Blame or Forgive?

How do you decide?
Or do you just go along with whatever you mind or mouth says?
Do you choose what you want to express or experience?
Are you willing to be responsible for your thoughts and your words?

If you are a victim in this world of choice, you will let choices be made for you.
If you are a servant of your family culture, you may well let others decide for you.
If you are a follower of the authorities in your life, you may let others lead your life decisions.
How you choose from an infinite number of possibilities is up to you.

No one knows better than you.
No one lives your life for you.
No one is master of your fate.
You are the captain of your ship.

If you knew what was right for you, would you choose on your own?
If you believed in what is true in your heart, would you make your own decision?
If you honored your own rhythm and walked your own path,  would your life be better?
If you trusted your own way and lived your own will, could you make the tough choices?

Many seem to be conforming to what they see around them and in the media.
Most seem to not want to make waves or be different from their peers.
Individuality is often ridiculed and bullied.
Accentuated attitudes of laughing at rudeness and crude behavior often get applauded.

What would it take to choose our dress, manners and attitude with self respect?
How can we model behaviors which exemplify the best in us?
Are we willing to stand out with our values, etiquette and responsible choices?
Can we be the ones who will lead those who need better examples of being kind and helpful?

When we decide to praise rather than criticize, we create more to appreciate.
When we choose to forgive instead of blaming, we encourage others to make better choices.
When we provide love and kindness rather than hate and prejudice, we offer safety and peace.
When we eliminate hurting ourselves and others with words and actions, we provide healing.

We can make a difference with the choices we make.
We can be the individuals who inspire and uplift those around us to choose more consciously.
We can stop and think before we make decisions to see what will be helpful and good.
We can envision and build the world we want to see by being the change that we can be.

It is not difficult to be responsible and respectful in our choices.
It feels freeing to make decisions that benefit everyone rather than just ourselves.
It is helpful, kind and adult behavior to stop and think before we speak.
It is beneficial to live our life as though everything matters….because it does!

Loving you with my thoughts, words and actions,
Betty Lue

Affirmations for Conscious Healing  
by Betty Lue Lieber, MFT, Ph.D.
Letting go is fun, safe and easy.
I now easily bless and release all that no longer serves me.
I forgive with ease and let go with gratitude.
Everyone and everything is either giving love or calling for Love.
I am a Love giver.
The more I give Love, the more I have the Love I want.
Light, light, I want more light.
I choose to live with joy and give with gratitude.
I love my life and it loves me.
I have what I want and share the best I have.
Life works for me.
I am the chooser, never a loser.
Everything always works more exquisitely than I can plan.
I am clear, focused and committed.
I consciously communicate exactly what I want.
I trust in my inner knowing, always gentle, loving and true.
I let go of expectations, evaluations and disappointments.
I am creating a world of healing and love one person at a time.
The more I love and respect myself, the more others love and respect me.
The more I love and respect myself, the more I love and respect others.
The more I love and respect myself, the more others love and respect themselves.
I give myself the very best and all are blessed.
I am present, peaceful, awake and aware.
I share only the highest Truth I know and then I let go.
My happiness is contagious.
I replace all worry, fear and doubt with trust, freedom and blessing.
Peace and love and joy heal us All.
My body is a vehicle for learning only Love is Real. 

Useful suggestions for applying  Affirmations
Write each affirmation 10 to 20 times. 
Work with no more than 3 affirmations at a time.
Writing is an extremely powerful technique of autosuggestion.
Good times are just before sleeping, before starting the day and especially whenever you feel at effect.  
They can also be recorded on cassette tape and played back to yourself. 
The best way to do that is by recording each affirmation 5 or 10 times so that you have time to think about them when they are playing.
Make a list of the affirmations that are most meaningful to you.
Put specific names and situations into the affirmations.
Play with the vocabulary in the affirmation--make it personal and meaningful to  yourself.
Say the affirmations to yourself in the first, second and third persons as follows:  
I,  (name), now like myself.  You, (name), now like yourself.   Name, now likes him/herself. 
 Feel free to invent new ones.
 Continue working with them daily until they become totally integrated into your consciousness.
To dissolve negative mental patterns and free maximum aliveness in your consciousness, write each affirmation in order 10 or 20 times.  
Note the ones that are most meaningful or produce the greatest charge.  
Continue working with these until they go flat.  
When they go flat, you are at total cause and master of the results implied by the affirmations.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Treat Yourself Well

I love myself well.
I fill my own needs with kindness.
I treat myself with respect and appreciation.
I forgive myself for ever neglecting or indulging myself. 
What is best for me is best for others.
When I am at my best, I can give my best to others.

Usually we learn self care by watching others.
In infancy we learn how to care for ourselves by how we are cared for.
If we are listened to, we listen to ourselves.
If we are neglected, we learn to neglect ourselves.

Children may be treated as playthings, with over attention sometimes and divine neglect other times.
Children may be treated as pets, with basic care and then allowed to grow up on their own.
Children may be treated as investments, giving them the best of everything so they grow up as the best.
Children may be treated as servants and privileged guests, used and abused or over indulged and lazy.

How we treat ourselves often determines how we treat others.
When we do not know how to respect and care for ourselves, we may not know how to treat others.
When we do not care for ourselves, we may allow others to mistreat us.
Human programming or patterns often repeat themselves, because we do not know better.
To know better is to do better.

Always begin with yourself.
Care for yourself as though you are precious….because you are.
Respect your needs…..because they are your needs to fill.
Give yourself what is truly best for you……because only you know what is best.

This is your life.
It is for you to choose what loves you, what inspires you, what takes the best care of you.
When you have been neglected, you may ignore your own needs.
When you have been pampered, you may pamper yourself.

What is healthy is determined by what works for you.
What makes you the happiest and healthiest and most loving and kind?
What inspired you to actualize your potential and live fully and freely?
What encourages you to utilize your gifts and give others the best you have?

Below are some whole life health reminders.
Remember that you are responsible for your wellbeing.
You are capable of loving you well or neglecting your needs.
You teach others how to treat you and themselves by how you treat yourself.

To live in a world for healthy independent responsible and conscious people, be responsible for yourself.
I trust everyone can and will choose to free ourselves from neediness and fill ourselves with Good.
When we are fulfilled, we teach others to fulfill themselves.
And so it is, all will benefit.

Give yourself what is best for YOU
Betty Lue

Ten Keys to Health & Vitality

Ingest the best and forget the rest.  Take into your body, mind and spirit only that which supports, sustains and inspires the BEST in you.

Life is flow. To move with the flow is healthy. To resist is stressful. Move with the natural inner movement physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc.

To breathe in (inhale) fully life energy, Spirit, Prana, inspiration, is to expand our awareness to open to an enlightened mind.  To exhale fully is to truly release what is no longer needed.

Reaching out with Love and respect for each other opens our bodies and beings to trust in the gentleness we all deserve to experience.

Choose for those thoughts which heal and free you to be unlimited in health and wholeness. Forgive (erase) the beliefs which are limiting or false.

Carry with you an attitude of gratitude and love for yourself and others.  Allow yourself to see all things work together for good.

Moderation in all things will bring your life into harmony.  As we give ourselves what is really best for us, the extremes are gently released.

What you perceive in others and the world you strengthen in your Self.  Focus on illness, disease and weakness and you actually weaken yourself.  See only health and wholeness and you move yourself in the direction you are looking.

To clear out toxins and purify the system requires a willingness to eliminate toxic thoughts, activities, relationships as well as foods from your system.  Flushing the system clean is aided with water, fresh air, gentle movement and forgiveness.

To rest and relax your mind and body are invaluable to being refreshed and revitalized. Each person has unique methods of relaxation - meditation, music, being in nature, focused simple activity.

Friday, September 27, 2013


The more I trust, love and respect myself, the more I trust, love and respect others.
The more I trust, love and respect myself, the more others trust, love and respect me.
The more I trust, love and respect myself, the more others, trust, love and respect others.
Trust begins with me.

Who and what do you trust?
How much do you trust yourself?
How trustworthy are you?
What do you need in order to trust? 

Trust is essential to feel confident.
Trust is an important aspect of loving relationships.
Trust in oneself requires sensitivity to what is.
The question arises: Does anything ever last?

The Four Agreements ( by Don Miguel Ruiz) support the Development of Trust.
Take Nothing Personally.
Make No Assumptions.
Always Do Your Best.
Keep Your Agreements.

When we give our best and share our truth, we teach others the way to live with honest and trust. 
When we share freely and care for others with fairness for all, we live and teach trust.
When we are willing to forgive mistakes, others and our own, we support being trustworthy.
When we understand that every thought, word and deed is teaching everyone everywhere, we teach trust.

It is with our thoughts and words we teach trust.
It is with our behavior and appreciation that we teach trust.
It is with our willingness to listen with our hearts that we learn to trust.
It is allowing others to be free to learn to trust themselves that we remember to trust everyone is learning.

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves to trust our own choices.
Sometimes we need to forgive ourselves for changing our direction.
Sometimes we need to allow others to change their minds and feel safe in change.
Sometimes we realize we need to trust there will always be change.

Such is the nature of life: we can trust in change.
Change is constant.
Thoughts change. 
Feelings change. 
Behavior changes. 
Choices change.
Our direction changes.

We experiment in life to find what works and what matters to us.
We explore to determine what we want to do and be and have.
We try varying relationships to see where our needs are met.
We choose multiple options and choices with varying consequences.

Trust in unfailing change.
Learn to seek inner guidance and direction each moment.
Recognize life teaches us to trust in the highest Good for us all.
Be trustworthy and teach trustworthiness to everyone.

Trusting you as I trust the Goodness and Love within me.
Betty Lue

Extra info below  for those who like to learn more from many different sources.
Also look us the Development of Trust in PsychoSpiritual  stages in A Course In Miracles Teacher’s Manual

Erikson’s psychosocial Stage 1 - Trust vs. Mistrust <
•  The first stage of Erikson's theory of psychosocial development occurs between birth and one year of age and is the most fundamental stage in life.
•  Because an infant is utterly dependent, the development of trust is based on the dependability and quality of the child's caregivers.
•  If a child successfully develops trust, he or she will feel safe and secure in the world. Caregivers who are inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or rejecting contribute to feelings of mistrust in the children they care for. Failure to develop trust will result in fear and a belief that the world is inconsistent and unpredictable.
•  Of course, no child is going to develop a sense of 100 percent trust or 100 percent doubt. Erikson believed that successful development was all about striking a balance between the two opposing sides. When this happens, children acquire hope, which Erikson described as an openness to experience tempered by some wariness that danger may be present.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Love Languages for Children and Adults

I love others exactly the way others want to feel loved.
The more I treat myself with appreciation, respect and kindness, the more I am able to love others well.
Love is the energy, blessing, encouragement and trust I offer everyone.
I choose to love no matter what.

Read the book. 
Take the assessment on line.
See the synthesis of info below.

The most effective way I know to transform a relationship is to RETURN TO LOVE!
It seems we are giving others what they don’t want, don’t need or don’t value.
When we throw away what we want to be a gift of kindness and love, we need to re-evaluate.
Is what I give being appreciated, respected and valued?

Often couples are giving what they want to receive!  
Rarely do two people value the same Love languages.
One may want and give affection while the other simply wants acts of service or help.
When each party continues to give more without receiving gratitude in return, they may be resentful.

With children who need something different as their love language, parents may miss the mark.
Giving all children the same, will likely not suit each child as was intended.
Often children in the same family need something different from one another.
To learn what each child wants and needs, values and appreciates, use the assessment tool online.

Love works.
Love heals.
Love encourages.
Love inspires.
Love connects.
Love harmonizes.
Love motivates.
Love offers peace.
Love creates happiness.

When a child knows they are loved, they are more confident and caring.
When a child knows they are loved, they are more able and willing to be responsible and cooperative.
When a child knows they are loved, they love, trust and respect themselves more.
When a child knows they are loved, they are better at loving others with sensitivity and respect.

When adults know they are loved, they are more confident and caring.
When adults know they are loved, they are more able, willing and open to be helpful and kind.
When adults know they are loved, they are more responsible and cooperative.
When adults know they are loved, they are more productive and successful in life.

Consider giving others what they want to know they are loved.
Consider sharing with family members all the different ways to love one another.
Consider actively and consciously giving and receive love languages that work for each one.
Love works for the highest good of everyone all the time.

Loving you in the best ways I know….
1.     Quality time with you while I am writing and thinking of you.

2.     Affirming positive and encouraging words I share here.

3.     Touching your heart and mind with the Love I have for you.

4.     Serving you with the help I know some want and value.

5.     This gift given joyfully to those who seek Loving Reminders, plus online workshops and talks.

Betty Lue seeks only to love each one in the way that is right and true for you.
Loving You, 
Betty Lue

The 5 Love Languages 
What if you could say or do just the right thing guaranteed to make that special someone feel loved? The secret is learning the right love language! Millions of couples have learned the simple way to express their feelings and bring joy back into marriage: The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman’s New York Times bestseller!
Words of Affirmation Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

The 5 Languages of Fear
The 5 Calls for Love
An intuitive look at some possible explanations for unacceptable behavior. According to A Course in Miracles, everything is either a gift of love or a call for love. The 5 Languages of Love (Dr. Gary Chapman) teach us more about how to effectively give and receive the gifts of love, but what about responding to the calls for love? The answer is always to “give love”, but that is only possible after we have stopped reacting to the call as a personal attack. The first step is awareness
Awareness with love is healing.
When people are in fear or pain (and needing love), they are not always sensitive, aware, articulate, considerate or even caring. They will either see you as the cause of their current dilemma or just a handy (loving) person they can strike out at so they won’t be alone in their misery. They will either deprive you of what they know you value most or what they, themselves, value most.
Here are 5 possible disguises of the call for love.
1.    The Put-Down—This includes complaining, anger, blame, guilt, insults, destructive words. If Words of Affirmation are a primary love language for you, hearing someone else’s pain directed at you can be especially hurtful.

2.    The Cold Shoulder—This includes being pre-occupied, too busy, multi-tasking, distracted, walking away, ignoring, threatening to leave or end the relationship, shutting you out. If Quality Time is a primary love language for you, being left alone or abandoned can be devastating.

3.    The Take-Away—This includes taking or breaking things, stealing, constantly saying “We can’t afford it”, not giving or sharing, being selfish. If Receiving Gifts is a primary love language for you, being deprived will be hurtful way out of proportion to the value of the actual gift itself.

4.    The Complication—This includes forgetting to do things, being too busy to help out, refusing to help out, being destructive, making messes, causing problems, adding complications and making more work. If Acts of Service are a primary love language for you, the burden of having to do more or do it all yourself leaves you feeling hurt and resentful.

5.    The Hurt—This includes hitting, hurting, outside affairs and cheating, withholding/denying touch and affection, and all acts of physical violence. If Physical Touch is a primary love language for you, either destructive touching or touch deprivation can cause you to emotionally wither and want to withdraw from the world.

Keys to responding with love:
1.    Don’t take it personally. It’s not about you. It’s about them. If you take it personally, they may think it actually is about you and fail to (eventually) take responsibility for their condition. 

2.    Take care of yourself. You may need to actually remove yourself from the situation in order to stop getting hurt and to get clear. If you let them hurt you, you create either conscious or unconscious guilt on their part, which will cause them to either attack more vigorously or withdraw completely.

3.    Listen within for guidance. Once you can bring yourself to peace and neutrality, listen to your heart about how to respond. This is clearly a call for love. What does the other person actually need or want? What will be the most helpful and the most easily received by them. Sometimes love and forgiveness is best expressed in person and sometimes it is more effective from a distance. Do you need to speak, write, think, pray, act?

4.    Do what you hear and trust it is good. Get on with your life and keep loving yourself so you can continue to love others.

Robert Waldon, Feb. 2012 

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Healthy Families

I treat everyone in my family with respect, appreciation and love.
I live a respectful and responsible life in harmony with those around me.
I trust my self and my choices to live in the highest  and best way I know.
I teach only love and forgive the rest.

We are in Portland, OR this week with our youngest grandchild, Guy who is almost 18mos.
September 25, 2013 Loving Reminders ( Family)
(See below assessment on highly effective families.)

Healthy families are happy, healthy, respectful, responsible and cooperative.
Healthy families raise happy respectful and responsible children.
Healthy families have parents who are happy, healthy respectful and responsible.
Healthy families create a democratic system that benefits everyone, young and old.

Children learn from their parents and those with whom they associate.
Children explore and copy others words and behaviors to see what works.
Children become what we the parents and grandparents model for them.
Children are what their caregivers and role models have taught them to be.

Responsible parents learn parenting skills and modify skills to fit each child.
Respectful parents teach respect by being respectful of themselves and others.
Responsible parents understand that they teach my their behavior not by words.
Response able parents take responsibility for what children are learning and make changes.

When adults see children who do not know better, it is our responsibilities to show them a better way.
When adults do not know a better way to speak and act, we need to seek better role models for ourselves.
When adults blame our children, their playmates or the educational system, we need to look at ourselves.
When we choose in our homes to be respectful, responsible and cooperative, we teach right action.

To be a healthy family, there must be quality time, without TV, computers, cell phones and chaos.
To be a healthy family, there needs to be cooperative and collaborative activities.
To be a healthy family, there needs to be discussion of morals and values and living by family rules.
To be a healthy family, there needs to be respectful sharing without emotional outbursts.

Quality time is quiet, focused and healing for everyone.
Family sharing needs to be in environments where everyone is free to express, one at a time.
Family environments need to be orderly, well cared for and appreciated.
Family meals need to be healthy and calm places where each person is appreciated and valued.

Simple ways to improve the quality of your family relationships:
  • Personal time with each child, one on one, sharing only positive experiences.
  • Opportunities to play and learn together with laughter, appreciation, kindness and encouragement.
  • Limit to outside stimuli and distraction for everyone in the family. (No TV, cell phone, internet, etc.) during quality time or family time.
  • Shared family vacations or simple free experiences to beach, nature, parks, picnics, zoo, museums, library.
  • Family game night or movie night together.
  • Playing music, planting a garden, preparing a meal, creating a talent show or play….all together as a family.
  • Setting goals as a family, planning and preparing for goal success.
  • Setting limits or family rules …..with everyone in the discussion.
  • Beautifying, cleaning and organizing the home, one room at a time with appreciation and delight.
  • Making family chores fun and focused and cooperative.
  • Clarifying what is ideal behavior for parents and ideal behavior for kids. Posted as a reminder.
  • Many more positive, effective ideas are available for your family….read or watch or just ask!!

Loving you,  
Betty Lue


This quiz, prepared for USA WEEKEND by the Covey Leadership Center, adapts his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People specifically to families.  Read each statement and circle the answer that indicates how well YOU perform in your family in the following areas.

Habit 1: Be pro-active
 1.  I take responsibility for my moods and actions at home rather than blaming other family members or making excuses.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

 2.  I consciously work to solve family problems rather than ignoring or avoiding them.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

 3.  I focus my efforts in the family on the things I can do something about rather than complaining about things beyond my control.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind
 4.  I help my family develop a clear sense of how we want to treat one another, what we value and what we want to become.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

 5.  I’ve identified the important skills and traits I would like my family members to use in their dealings with others.
  3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

 6.  I’m aware of the unseen potential in members of my family and help them see and realize it.
  3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

Habit 3: Put first things first
 7. I do not allow the important family activities of my life to get lost in the crises and busy activity of my days.
 3- always   2-sometimes  1-never

 8.  I lead in making special family activities, vacations, birthdays and so on a priority through long-range planning.
  3-always   2-sometimes   1-never

 9.  I keep promises and honor commitments made to my family.
  3-always   2-sometimes   1-never

Habit 4: Think win-win
10.  I’m truly happy when members of my family succeed.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

11.  When solving conflicts in the family, I strive to find solutions that benefit all.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

12.  I strive to foster cooperation rather than competition among family members.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood
13.   I am sensitive to the feelings of each member of my family.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

14.  I seek to understand the viewpoints of others.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

15.  When listening to the others in my family, I try to see things from their perspective, rather than just my own. 
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

Habit 6: Synergize
16.  Even when I hold strong opinions on issues, I encourage others in the family to express differing viewpoints.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

17.  I work to find creative solutions to family problems that benefit all.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

18.  I value and seek out other’s insights.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

Habit 7: Sharpen the saw
19.  I help my family take time to find meaning and enjoyment in life.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

20.  I care for my physical health and well-being and encourage my family to do the same.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

21.  I encourage my family to develop new skills and abilities through my own example.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never

22.  I build and strengthen family relationships by being considerate and by apologizing when I make mistakes.
 3-always  2-sometimes  1-never  
SCORE YOURSELF-Add the numbers next to your answers.  If you scored:
50-66-You practice the 7 Habits much of the time in your family.  Keep it up.
35-49-You practice many of the 7 Habits.  Concentrate on those habits where your score is lower.
22-35-Pick ONE and work to improve it for awhile before proceeding to another.  Remember: Lasting change takes patience and perseverance.  Save this quiz and take it again in a few months.
For more information, call 1-800-304-9739

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Are you Grown Up Yet?

Have we forgotten our morals, values and principles for living a truly Good healthy happy life?
Does anyone want to grow up and succeed in living an exceptional and extraordinary life!

(See the Mind Map below which relates to behaviors not age!)

Are you aware of what is right and what is wrong?
Do you feel the anxiety or guilt inside when you are not in harmony with yourself?
Do you know when you are unsure or conflicted about your choices?
Are you fully at choice or following the crowd?

Adolescents and children explore the world of right and wrong.
Teens are looking for a purpose, a way to grow up and be responsible.
They explore the world looking for guidance and direction.
They may seem not to have a north star, a compass on what will create success.

Can you imagine how adults talk and act, think and feel?
Adults succeed because they learn from every experience.
Adults treat themselves and others with respect.
Adults take responsibility for their actions and inaction.
Adults make rational and logical decisions.
Adults manage their money and time with conscious consideration.
Adults treat others with kindness and understanding.
Adults have a moral compass which guides their behavior.
Adults do not harm themselves or others with drugs or alcohol.
Adults show up to contribute to what is fair and caring for one and all.
Adults give because they want to create a better way for everyone.
Adults live being respectful and responsible, cooperating in harmony with others.
Adults seek to serve, to give for the sake of giving.
Adults keep their agreements and give their best.
Adults apologize and make amends for mistaken or immature behavior.
Adults learn quickly and easily to find what works for all concerned.
Adults live creating a good life because they constantly learn and make better choices.
Adults let wisdom, goodness, faithfulness and trust guide their lives. 
Adults keep goals in mind and direct their lives based on striving for excellence and success.
Adults create their own everyday inspiration, learning, expansion, contribution and appreciation.
Adults are more interested in doing what is Good for  all than getting their own way.
Adults explore possibilities of creating a better world and a better life for all. 

Yes, healthy and functional adults.
Thanks for knowing the difference!
Now are you healthy, happy and successful at preparing a meal, caring for someone who is disabled, comforting a child and changing a diaper?
Are you able to  do your own laundry, write a thank you note for a gift, open the door for someone?
Are you willing to make a contribution to someone in need, pay all your bills on time with gratitude?
Do you consciously keep your house and car clean and well maintained, as well as your  teeth?
Do you make your own appointments and use computer, phone or visits to stay in touch with others?
Do you enjoy all kinds of weather, because nature is essential to the earth and its creatures?
Do you laugh at what is truly funny and step away from what is gossip or prejudiced or hateful?
Do you treat others who don’t know better with respect and teach them with patience and kindness?
Do you handle emotional reactivity (anger, fear hurt and depression) with rational helpfulness?
Do you live your life in ways that you are pleased with yourself?
Do you immediately stop behaviors and habits you know are harmful and poor role models?
Do  you seek to understand and extend peace with forgiveness of your own judgments?
Do you commit to be the responsible and respectful one in all circumstances?

I am encouraging all who are open, willing and ready to be adults .
I want our children and grandchildren to experience a better world with more loving kindness.
I seek only to be a grown up demonstration of all that I know is good for everyone.
Let us Love the Highest Good and Love Everyone with the very best we know.
Betty Lue

The Mind Map—A Model of Behavior and Personality 
The Guerrilla Group, Inc.
The Amoral Phase
·      Birth to age 2
·      Needs are primarily physical (eating, sleeping, crying)
·      Shuts down under stress
·      Best approach = exit and return at another time.

The EGO Phase
·      The “terrible twos”
·      Needs are primarily mental (possessiveness, attention-seeking, control)
·      Cognitive priority = status
·      Competitive—everything is a contest
·      Dishonesty takes the form of self-aggrandizement
·      Distrust salespeople and are afraid of being taken advantage of
·      Sees transactions as a contest they must win
·      Unasked question = “Are you good enough” (to work with me, to be with me, etc.)
Best Approach
·      Ask about achievements and awards.
·      Give them the competitive edge.
·      Demonstrate your leadership.
·      Be assertive without being challenging.

·      Ages four or five to age ten.
·      Needs are primarily psychological.
·      Gets needs met by complying with others.
·      Cognitive priority = acceptance.
·      Want love, approval and understanding.
·      Fiercely loyal to their friends.
·      Hesitant to make decisions for fear of being criticized.
·      Will not reject you openly.
·      Dishonesty takes the form of lies of omission.
·      Unspoken question = “Do you really care about me or are you just being nice to get my business?”
Best Approach
·      Be friendly. Ask about people.
·      Be somewhat assertive.
·      Focus on the relationship.
·      Make specific recommendations.

·      The teen years.
·      Need rules and structure.
·      Gets needs met by following procedures.
·      Cognitive priority = control.
·      More comfortable with numbers than with people.
·      Shy, aloof, impersonal, uncommunicative.
·      Will argue for the fun of it.
·      Automatic dislike and distrust.
·      Judgmental, opinionated.
·      May suffer from paralysis by analysis.
·      Unspoken question = “What are the facts.”
Best Approach
·      Avoid friendly gestures.
·      Appeal to systems, logic and quoted sources.
·      Focus on the facts, statistics, paybacks.

The PRINCIPLE Phase (LESS THAT 5%OF SOCIETY function at this level or higher!)
·      Age thirty-something.
·      Shift from rational to intuitive.
·      Gets needs met by following correct principles.
Best Approach
·      Open communication.
·      Show you’re fair-care-share.
·      Focus on collaboration and problem-solving.

·      Usually late in life.
·      Applies principles responsibly.
Best Approach
·      Social, ethical and environmental responsibility.
·      Stress benefits to the community at large.

·      You at your highest potential.
·      Consistently live by correct principles.

The Mind Map--Summary
The Guerrilla Group, Inc.
The Inner Brain: The Primitive Reactionary Mind
 The Amoral Phase of infants and certain adults who act without any morality; those who simply shut down and go away when things get rough.  Best Sales Approach = reschedule and exit.

The Left Brain: The Logical Linear Mind
 The Ego Phase of children and many adults who see themselves as the center of the universe; self-centered adults who are in endless cycles of fighting and making up. Best Sales Approach = show that you’re tops.

 The Pleaser Phase of youngsters and some adults who survive by pleasing others, by being nice and doing good. This maturity allows Pleasers to manipulate others to get their needs met. Best Sales Approach = friendly, assertive.

 The Authority Phase of teens and many adults who come to respect rules and agreements to govern their lives. On the down side, these people become excessively duty bound in their urge to do things right. Best Sales Approach = quote facts & logic.

The Right Brain: The Creative Intuitive Mind
 The Principle Phase is found in mature people who know that life works to the extent that they follow principles such as being fair with everyone, really caring for others and doing more than a fair share of the task. Best Sales Approach = show you’re fair-care-share.

 The Responsible Phase of mature people who know that they are the cause and the source of everything that comes into their lives. They take full responsibility for the situations in which they find themselves. Best Sales Approach = stress group benefits.

 The Universal Phase of maturity is expressed by those who constantly reach their highest potential by living a principled life, balancing the right and left minds. This is the phase of one who always finds peace and success, freedom, empowerment and ecstasy. Best Sales Approach = just relax and tell your story.