Wednesday, May 13, 2020

Healthy Communication

I choose to speak the highest truth I know with peace.
I forgive myself for saying what others may want to hear.
I let go of needing to be right or get agreement.
I trust myself to listen to others with an open mind and acceptance.

See Communication Suggestions below!

Telling and Hearing the Truth.

“Sometimes telling the “truth” hurts, but then it sets you free.”
Sometimes hearing the truth hurts, but then it opens your mind.
Sometimes we try to hide from and avoid hearing the truth.
Sometimes we block the truth with judgments, excuses and rationalizations.

People who love each other have often learned to be “nice”.
They may have been taught to never hurt another’s feelings.
Parents and children often cover up the truth in fear of punishment
Some folks are afraid of what will be expressed if all the “truth: is told.

Looking for “why?” can lead to many answers or made up questions.
People perceive what they see through their feelings.
People experience what they feel according to what they believe.
People try to withhold or coverup strong or confusing feelings.

It is OK to believe what you do, without needing to explain or justify.
It is OK to feel what you feel, without getting others to understand you.
It is OK to express what is your “truth” without anyone agreeing with you.
It is OK to do what you do and then change your mind.

Everyone has their own version of the “truth” depending on their past, their beliefs and perception.
When we understand “truth” is individual, we listen and learn about others ideas and understanding.
When we allow ourselves to accept the ideas of others, we can better accept our differences.
People hold many beliefs and many ‘truths”.

For better understanding and peace in our relationships, listen with open-mindedness.
Listen first to understand others, before trying to be understood.
Steven Covey says our most important life skill is learning to communicate.
“If you’re like most people, you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across. And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you’re listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You check what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up. And consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating.” Steven Covey

Consider what you want most.  
1) Listen for the truth the other is sharing with you ?.  or 2)  Share your Truth with the other?

I have discovered that what leads to the greatest connection and trust is learning to truly listen and understand.
Sometimes you can intuitively know what is being shared is deeply personal.
Sometimes you understand that they are trusting you more than any other.
Sometimes you realize respecting their sharing the is healing and the caring.

It is a privilege and honor to be trusted with the “truth” another shares with you.
We must learn to respect what they have entrusted us with.
No matter how we may not agree, it is essential that we welcome the gift of sharing.
Welcome the truth and it will set us free.

Blessings to you and me.
Betty Lue

Calm tone of voice and be on the same level.
Ask permission to speak
Tune in to where they are with desire to understand.
Give what will create the greatest safety and respect.
Talk with kindness and in private.
Step away until both parties are calm.  Use time-outs as needed.
Defuse the stress, urgency and upset, before attempting to talk.
Be clear when you don’t have time or patience to listen.
Write communication to avoid confrontations and arguments.
Allow all parties time to think about their needs and possible equitable solutions.
Encourage using “I feel….., I want…… and I am willing………
Seek cooperative agreement, rather than punishment, threat or demand.
Open your heart to understand (“Walk in their shoes”)
Choose an outcome where everyone wins.

Listen with an open and quiet mind.
Wait your turn to speak.
Appreciate what others say.
Honor all differences.
Respect everyone’s communication.
Seek to understand before being understood.
Put first things first.
Happy Relationships before being Right!

Do Not:
Interrupt or chime in without receiving permission.
Judge what others are saying.
Believe your ideas are more important.
Disagree or correct what others are saying.

Toxic thoughts, words and actions must be dumped in safe ways.
Never puke and poop on people.
What is hurtful and makes up sick must be released in private dumping grounds.
Learn to flush the toilet, write it and burn it, let it go to do no harm.

1) Nagging and Criticism ( Use constructive requests and be specific.)
2) Defensiveness (Listen and make no excuses.)
3) Contempt with Name-Calling, Belittling and Shaming ( No using guilt or blame.)
4) Stone-Walling, Ignoring and silent treatment  ( Talk or write when calm.)
5) Belligerence, Threatening, Demanding  

Forgive yourself for using power to get your way.