Sunday, June 21, 2015

Happy Father’s Day!

Affirmations:   It is time for us all to find a better way to love and honor men and boys.
I forgive myself for not always understanding men need daily care, appreciation, rest and renewal.
I am aware and respect what helps men heal and grow in wisdom, compassion and open-mindedness.
I release regrets and resentments with people not knowing how to love men as well as women.
I honor the men in my life for how they try to be helpful and what they do for love.

Thank All Men and Boys!

Thank the men and boys for working  and playing hard.
Thank them for protecting us from harm.
Thank them for being adventuresome.
Thank them for stepping out and being brave.

Thanks the men for learning to fend for themselves.
Thank the men for fighting for our freedom.
Thank the men for providing for their families.
Thank the men for remembering to show compassion.

Thank the men for being gentle and kind to women and children.
Thank the men for teaching their sons respect and responsibility.
Thank the men for learning to listen to their women.
Thank the men for being loving when love is needed.

Thank the boys for being helpful.
Thank the boys for being courteous.
Thank the boys for remembering trying new things.
Thank the boys for loving their moms and grandmas.

Thank men and boys for doing their best.
Thank the men and boys for forgiving the complaints of women.
Thank the men and boys for not running away from women’s emotions.
Thank the men and boys for trying so hard to please women.

Thank men and boys for doing one thing at a time.
Thank men and boys for learning how to do new things.
Thank men and boys for handling all the suffering in the world.
Thank men and boys for taking care of themselves.

Often we women forget how hard it is to be a man.
Often women and girls use emotions to get their way.
Often women neglect to appreciate and value their men.
Often women get carried away with their needs and neglect the needs of their men.

Perhaps Father’s Day is a time to remember being a protector and provider is work.
Perhaps Father’s Day we can forgive the ways men have mistakenly tried to do what was right.
Perhaps Father’s Day is an opportunity to appreciate our fathers and forefathers and pioneers.
Perhaps Father’s day we can remember to give men a rest each day and time to get away.

Loving Our Men and Boys,
Betty Lue

You may value reading this with a new look at what our egoic personalities have learned to do.
No need to agree, because it may not represent you and your experience. ( but many do!)

What Men and Women Really Want
This describes our egoic (learned personality) behaviors and motivations, not our higher or spiritual nature.

Generalizations about what gender really wants are just that –generalizations!
However there are consistent behaviors among genders that are often misunderstood.
Sometimes men and women simply project their intentions and emotions onto the opposite sex.
Or frequently there are gender stereotypes which cause misperceptions in relationships.
Ie. When a woman won’t talk, it is because she is resentful or punishing the other person.
When men won’t talk and withdraw, it is usually because they don’t know what to say without exposing their emotional vulnerability and prefer to work it out without hurting the other or themselves.

In general….men simply want to make their woman happy.
Men are simple.
Men try hard to please the other after doing their “job” the best they can as protector and provider.
Men are confused by emotions and emotional behavior.
Men have difficulty reading what changing emotional states and behaviors are really saying.
Men do their best to make it right, but have limited tools or understanding.
Men objectify women.   
Men often are simply seeing their woman as the object of their love.
Men are dependent on a woman.  
(Men tend to remarry within one year of losing their partner, On average for women it is five years.)
Men use their relationship as their north star, the compass by which they guide their course in life.
Men need their woman to be clear about what really matters and stay true to her word.
When the woman changes her mind, it is frustrating, confusing and can cause depression and distress.
Men have learned to stay away when a woman (mother) is upset until they “know” what to do.
Men try hard to keep the relationship on an even keel.
Men tend to exert all their energy in doing what they know they can do….earn money and keep safe.
They often use TV, internet and video games to go into the zone to undo stress and to stay out of trouble.
In general, criticism shuts down their energy and makes them weak, uncertain and confused.
Men would rather avoid fights by staying away (under the radar). ( Working or playing or unavailable.)
Men rely on their woman’s happiness and approval to know that they are OK, wanted and belong.

In general…women simply want their way.
Women are complex.
Women please themselves by doing their job of nurturing and nourishing the whole family.
Women stir emotions and emotional reactions and see them as indicating love and loyalty.
Women project their motives onto men, not recognizing the differences.
Women do their best to manipulate, control and convince to get their believed “right” way.
Women utilize men.
Women use men to protect, provide and produce children.
Women are independent and capable of caring for themselves, but it is less work with willing help.
Women oversee the big picture and plan for the future of themselves and their families.
Women multitask and seem to consider all elements.
Women are best at scheduling and making future plans.
Women can be effective assistants to men and know how to control the outcome.
Women use their relationship as the means to get what they want: home, family, travel, companion, etc.
Women resent criticism and will find ways to get even, defend and attack.
Women expect men to be like women and disrespect men’s inabilities to perform.
Women use emotions as power, fighting to confuse the man, to win and get their way.
Women use the man’s compliance (obedience) as the indication of his love and loyalty.

These generalizations are based on 30+ years of observation and listening to the genders express their unconscious and conscious motivations.  
Betty Lue