Affirmations:
I
forgive myself for trying to be understood before understanding another.
I
apologize easily when I do not know what is right and good for you.
I
am willing to listen and look through your perspective.
I
want always and only the very best for you.
Are you
willing to hear other’s point of view?
Are you open to
see things differently?
Do you listen to
others perspectives?
Do you trust you
only know a part of what is?
Often folks talk
like they know it all.
People seem to be
attached to being “Right”.
There may be a fear
of being incorrect.
Are you will to be
tolerant and listen?
A discussion
becomes an argument when no one listens.
Fights occur only
when people are attached to being RIGHT.
We get stuck in our
arrogant and righteous beliefs.
No one knows the
whole picture.
What you and I
know is what we know right now.
There is always more
to the story.
We can only understand
when we are open to listen.
We can see our tiny
piece of the infinite puzzle of life.
When couples Fight
it is always their need to be Right.
When people
disagree, it only takes one moment to listen.
When there is a
desire to prove oneself or win, there will always be a loss.
When we seek for
piece, we want a win-win solution.
We only know what
we see and hear from our perspective.
We cannot know what
others’ see and hear and feel from their perspective.
We can only tell
what works for us in our lives.
We cannot know what
works for others’ in theirs.
Listen more and
talk less.
Understand first,
then seek to be understood.
Be patient with the
process of communication.
Everyone
communicates in their own unique way.
Some communicate
feeling and some with thoughts.
Some share slowly
after reflecting and some quickly and spontaneously.
Some speak with many
words and some have very few words.
Some would rather be
loud and some are very soft.
If your form of
communicating is not working, try another way.
Speaking together in
a quiet confidential place.
Share with clear
guidelines and time limits.
Use writing or
talking on the phone. (texting often seems to create misunderstandings.)
So much to learn
about effective communication.
It changes from
person to person.
See tomorrow’s
Loving reminders.
Remember you can go
online to see all at LovingReminders.org
Loving us all as
we are open and willing to learn a better way.
Betty Lue
Respectful
Communications Agreements
*Talk
and share only when ok with both parties.
For
men 30 minutes may be way too much so always set a time limit .
*Ask
permission before sharing grievances or suggestions.
“Is
now a good time for us to talk?” State you request before you begin.
“I
would like 15 minutes to share some suggestions I have.”
*Stop
when the other requests a break.
Quit
before it gets heated.
Set
another time which will work for both.
Give
at least a few hours to clear emotions and get calm.
*Speak
in respectful tones and use mannerisms that will not be disturbing.
*If
highly emotional, step away, breathe and write down your feelings, before
saying aloud.
“The
real reason I am Upset is: (Make a thorough list of all your reasons for upset.)”
*When
complete with the thoughts and feelings, write:
I
am feeling _______ . I want_____________. I am willing
____________.
*Share
verbally or in writing with permission of the listener.
Never
insist on a reply.
Agree
to stop fighting.
Agree
to speak respectfully.
Agree
to stop criticizing, nagging, blaming or manipulating with guilt.
Agree
to step away when you start feeling upset, hurt or angry.
Agree
to breathe and release the emotional upselt before interacting.
Agree
to not threaten, condemn or quit on the relationship.
Agree
to personally work on mastering Respectful Communication.
Try these out.
You
two will develop your own agreements that work for you both.
These
are some temporary communication agreements to try.
Bring
them with you at your next meeting with your comments and clarification.
You
need to learn to be your best and take full responsibility for your part.
Stop criticizing, fixing or
correcting the other.
The
work in relationship is to be the adult and the other will learn from you.
If
what you do in an adult way does not work, stop and try something else.
The
most important key is to treat the other person as you want them to treat you!
Wanting
only the best for you both,
Betty
Lue