Efficient Management of Successful Partnerships
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Practical Guidelines for Everyday Relationships
Talk Less and Do More.
People (mostly women) talk about what they want, but neglect to show it.
It is more important to do what you want than to say what you want.
If you want more demonstrations of love and appreciation, show love and appreciation daily.
Many people talk without silence or time to digest or clarity of priorities or definitive descriptions.
It is essential that women especially be crystal clear about what they want and how they want it to be.
“I feel_________ and I want __________ and I am willing to show you with my actions.”
If there is love given, make sure it is in the manner in which the other sees it as “loving”.
See www.5lovelanguages.com for assessment and definition. (Take the quiz to see what is true for you.)
Respect One Another.
When you want to talk with another, ask respectfully if this is a good time.
Or develop a signal of request and wait for recognition.
Or set aside daily time for a meeting where each party can have full attention.
It is disrespectful to assume that the other person is able and willing to talk whenever you want.
Be willing to write down your request or communication and wait for their answer.
Be open to setting the stage to give the most respect to one another.
Do not choose a time or setting where there is fatigue, hunger, emotional upset or potential interruptions.
It is essential that respect be practiced in an obvious way as you learn to respect yourself and your needs.
Appreciate One Another.
Openly and obviously appreciate others.
Easily say and write and show your appreciation consistently at least daily.
Show you value your relationship with attention when they speak, a smile, kind words and cooperation.
When someone asks for something from you, do it unless it is harmful to themselves or to you.
Remember to fully value and appreciate yourself daily, so you are giving from a place of fullness.
When you are needy, demanding or manipulating to get your needs met, your appreciation is not genuine.
It is essential that you show and say whatever indicates you are there by choice, rather than duty.
Everyone deserves to hear how they are loved, valued and respected, especially when there is stress.
Never interrupt, undermine, gossip about or belittle each other.
Give due respect when the other is speaking.
Always treat everyone as you want to be treated.
Do not tattle or talk about your partner or your boss or others behind their backs.
You will come to realize how this creates guilt and fear of the same for you.
When you have something to say, say it directly with kindness and consideration.
Forgive yourself instantly for using demeaning language, name-calling, nagging, gossip or threats.
Remember that what you do will come back to you.
Always give your best and withdraw when you are sick and tired, frustrated and upset.
Take time to center and ground yourself in “right” action and respectful words.
- Clear the fear by choosing to forgive past errors or unconscious negative behavior.
- Forgive yourself and others for being unconscious, ignorant, defensive and hurtful.
- Choose again to give your best with your thoughts, words and behavior.
- (There is no need to dump toxic stuff on anyone including yourself.)
Blessing us in treating everyone with respect, responsibility and appreciation.
Betty Lue
Healing Relationships
You are responsible for your own happiness and inner peace.
Where we are upset (angry, hurt, afraid, judgmental), our past wounds (unhealed stuff) has been triggered.
This shows us where we have work to do.
The usual relationship habit is to try to “fix” the other person, to get them to change or stop saying or doing what has upset us.
This makes the other feel “wrong” and guilty and hurt and angry and inadequate. This only exaggerates the problem.
It is ineffective over the long term.
The real work is to heal our own woundedness, to clear our own buttons and heal our history and forgive allowing anything or anyone to hurt us.
When we have done our work, we can be truly effective, helpful and teach by example.
This is a big job.
It cannot be done overnight, but takes constant practice.
We must first take good care of ourselves mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Being conscious and taking impeccable care of ourselves is essential to quality relationships.
Begin now with learning to love, respect, trust and appreciate yourself.
The more you love, trust, respect and appreciate yourself,
the more others will love, trust, respect and appreciate you.
The more you love, respect, trust and appreciate yourself,
the more others will do the same for themselves and for others.
You are the living example, the teacher, with everything you think, say and do.
Betty Lue