Do you speak with respect?
Do you transmit your thoughts with respect?
Does your body language demonstrate respect?
Do you behave in respectful ways toward everyone?
Whenever we begin to copy others disrespect, we teach ourselves and others falsely.
When we follow the example of societies disrespect in thoughts, words and behaviors, we encourage it.
When we allow others to treat us disrespectfully, we are supporting what is not healthy or helpful.
When we go along to get along with others, we are condoning the very behavior we don’t want.
It takes courage, patience, self respect, restraint and high principles to choose a better way.
Swearing is commonplace. Do you like it?
Criticizing, silent treatment, belittling or shaming, threatening and nagging are common.
Do you engage in what is destructive to relationships?
Our mind and our mouth are ours alone to rule.
Our thoughts and our behavior is ours to control.
When we allow others to teach us what is ineffective, ignorant and disrespectful, we disrespect ourselves.
When we attempt to teach others using the negative behaviors they employ, we increase that behavior.
What we learn from our parents and elders must be looked at with care, to see what will work today.
What we experience from our loved ones, must be handled with respect to decide what is valuable.
What we give to others in our relationships is ours alone to choose by our example.
When we decide we want respect, we must give it, teach it, model it and earn it.
Forgive all past errors, both conscious and unconscious.
Forgive how you have allowed yourself and others to behave with lack of respect.
Choose again for how you want to think, speak and act.
Recognize that thoughts (imagined or judgmental), words and behaviors all communicate.
Change your mind.
Choose to be what you want.
Give your best consistently to everyone including yourself.
Use appreciation to emphasize your respect for others.
Remember the basic etiquette of communication.
· Be respectful of the others’ time and desire to communicate.
· Ask for time to speak.
· Do not interrupt.
· Use “please” and “thank you” liberally and genuinely.
· Do not interrupt a conversation with phone calls or texts or others’ interruptions.
· Focus on what you and the other really want to say.
· Speak clearly and audibly with eye contact and full attention.
· Take time to complete communication with gratitude.
· Answer questions, phone calls, requests as soon as you are able or acknowledge your inability.
· Give people clear definition of when you will be available and keep your agreements.
· Do not put your needs to communicate before others needs.
· State your purpose and intention clearly.
· I would like to share a story or have a conversation or ask you a question when you have a minute.
· When would be a good time?
· Understand that your needs and the others needs are often different.
· Be willing to wait.
· Put in writing what is difficult, so the other may read and respond in their own time frame.
· When you communicate, decide ahead of tie the outcome you prefer and arrange to circumstances to achieve the outcome.
· Stop pressing for what you want without first understanding what the other wants and needs….
And many more!
The first step is your intention.
The second is to be aware of the others needs.
The third is to respect both of you enough to do only what will work.
If it is not working, stop and wait until you can choose again with wisdom and kindness.
Loving you,
Betty Lue
Ten Commandments of Relationships
With mates, partners, friends, children, co-workers, etc.
Keep your agreements faithfully.
Communicate changes honestly and immediately.
Give more than you expect to receive.
Do more than your “fair” share.
Receive everything with open appreciation.
Express your thanks sincerely and take nothing for granted.
Live your own life in integrity and on purpose.
Clarify, communicate and live your mission, your path, your principles and values.
Be responsible for yourself, your work and live your life impeccably.
Don’t expect others to pick up after you or take care of you.
Stop using, blame, criticism or guilt to control or manipulate.
Stop making demands, threats or using neediness to get your way.
Communicate effectively and respectfully.
Request a time and place and tone of voice that works for both parties.
Be your best self in all circumstances.
Focus always on teaching by example. (and apologize immediately when you forget or neglect.)
Use your time together wisely.
Focus on meaningful, positive and inspiring conversation and activities.
Spend time, money, energy and resources only on what you value and want to increase.
Waste nothing in your relationship. No arguing, pettiness, emotional dumping or negativity.