Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Are You Willing?

Are you willing to change what is not working?
Are you willing to stop deceiving yourself?
Are you willing to cease avoiding what calls for attention?
Are you willing to take full responsibility for your predicaments?

Are you willing to handle your fear and resistance?
Are you willing to face your mistaken choices with correction?
Are you willing to change your mental stuckness and stubbornness?
Are you willing to be flexible, creative and trusting the voice within?

“We are our own worst enemy.”
Maybe we are our only enemy?
Is it possible we hold the key that will set us free to be happy, healthy and fulfilled?
Perhaps with a little willingness, we can simple forgive yesterday and choose again today.

In my coaching and counseling, I find over and over, the answer lies within the individual:
A simple change of mind, a willingness to listen to our authentic self and to live our highest Truth.
Most people seem to read and practice specific temporary and ineffective remedies for petty problems.
Many people try over and over to do the same thing with ever increasing energy to get the same result.

People blame their own inadequacy or faulty thinking on another.
Parents blame their children for behaviors they model and accept.
Bosses demand their employees improve performance rather than examine their own failings.
Politicians blame other politicians for what they themselves do and say.

Wherever there is blame and criticism, the critic is always talking about themselves.
Wherever there is upset, we are always identifying our own issue and “off purposeness”.
Wherever there is need, we are demonstrating our area of self denial.
Wherever there is unwillingness, we are choosing to be irresponsible.

Problems approached with full response-ability are resolved immediately and permanently.
Problems approached with blame, criticism and causing guilt will continue, often endlessly.
Problems in relationships may change form, but the underlying issue remains.
Problems within ourselves may display themselves differently, but the basic misunderstanding continues.

It may take another neutral and compassionate person to hold a mirror for us to see.
It may take a series of ever-increasing wakeup calls to get the message.
It may require that we lose everything we value to realize it is all our call to choose again.
It may be that the world we see represents our unwillingness to be wholly responsible.

Be the change you want to see in every moment.
Be the one who gives forgiveness where there is attack and blame.
Be the one who remembers to appreciate when others have forgotten.
Be the one who gives what is needed rather than withholding with resentment for past neglect.

Be the one who responds to conflict with peaceful solutions.
Be the one who is quiet when others choose to argue and promote power and manipulation.
Be the one who listens within and offers inspiration and information.
Be the one who offers silent prayer and love in the midst of hurt and wounded egos.

Be the one who remembers You are the One.
You do make the difference.
You are creating the world you see and the experiences your have.
Be willing to be the One.

Loving you, Betty Lue

You are responsible for your own happiness and inner peace.

Where we are upset (angry, hurt, afraid, judgmental), our past wounds (unhealed stuff) has been triggered.
This shows us where we have work to do.

The usual relationship habit is to try to “fix” the other person, to get them to change or stop saying or doing what has upset us. This makes the other feel “wrong” and guilty and hurt and angry and inadequate.
This only exaggerates the problem.
It is ineffective over the long term.


The real work is to heal our own woundedness, to clear our own buttons and heal our history and forgive allowing anything or anyone to hurt us.
When we have done our work, we can be truly effective, helpful and teach by example.


This is a big job.
It cannot be done overnight, but takes constant practice.
We must first take good care of ourselves mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Being conscious and taking impeccable care of ourselves is essential to quality relationships.

Begin now with learning to love, respect, trust and appreciate yourself.
The more you love, trust, respect and appreciate yourself, the more others will love, trust, respect and appreciate you.
The more you love, respect, trust and appreciate yourself, the more others will do the same for themselves and  for others.

You are the living example, the teacher, with everything you think, say and do.


Ten Commandments of Relationships 
With mates, partners, friends, children, co-workers, etc.

Keep your agreements faithfully.
(Communicate changes honestly and immediately.)

Give more than you expect to receive. Do more than your “fair” share.

Receive everything with open appreciation.Express your thanks sincerely and take nothing for granted.

Live your own life in integrity and on purpose.Clarify, communicate and live your mission, your path, your principles and values.

Be responsible for yourself, your work and live your life impeccably. Don’t expect others to pick up after you or take care of you.

Stop using, blame, criticism or guilt to control or manipulate.
Stop making demands, threats or using neediness to get your way.

Communicate effectively and respectfully.Request a time and place and tone of voice that works for both parties.

Be your best self in all circumstances.Focus always on teaching by example. (and apologize immediately when you forget or neglect.)

Use your time together wisely.Focus on meaningful, positive and inspiring conversation and activities.

Spend time, money, energy and resources only on what you value and want to increase.Waste nothing in your relationship.  No arguing, pettiness, emotional dumping or negativity.

*************************************************************************
There are many more agreements which I encourage you and your partner to write together.
I encourage all parties to take time to re-evaluate your agreements monthly or on a regular basis.
As circumstances change, there is a need to re-commit to what works for all participants.
Families need to meet to look at the specific needs of each individual to be at their best.
Couples need to ensure that the relationship is “serving all parties.
Business partners need to return to their original agreement and consider changing roles as needed.

Life requires that we be in relationship.
With respect for ourselves and each other there is open communication.
With responsibility for the quality of our relationships, there is a willingness to seek what works for all.
With cooperation there is encouragement to listen for ways to serve the needs of everyone.
When everyone WINS, the relationships are harmonious, peaceful and enjoyable.

Blessings to us all in our willingness to continue to explore and find better ways of relating,
Betty Lue