Saturday, January 29, 2011

Who Do You Depend on for Love?

I have noticed many people have a need for consistency in their relationships.
Some had intermittent loving from one or both of their parents in infancy.
Parents may have been depressed or ill, absent or divided attention.
When the infant needed consistent attention and loving, the bonding was conditional.

When there is neglect or other interferences with the attachment, there can be pain.
Abandoned Heart syndrome, some call it.  Other diagnostic names exist.
For the individual, this can create an extreme dependency on being loved consistently.
When there is a disconnect between the lover and the beloved, there may traumatic pain.

The pain may be displayed by confusion, anger and even violence or acting out hysterically.
Sometimes there is no memory of one’s behavior or there may be great remorse and fear.
For the codependent there may be a need to fix it with even greater attention and need fulfillment.

These relationships may be addictive and even destructive or unhealthy for both parties.

It may be time to rethink our connections with others to a more stable source.
It may be valuable to encourage healthy relationships which foster independence.
It may be useful to redirect our needs toward a stable and unchanging Source.
It may be needed to heal the inappropriate symbiotic or co dependent relationships.

Consider your need for another.
Consider who you count on for security, safety and approval.
Consider how you will function without your parents or your partner.
Consider how you count on others for your very life.

Have we created a society of dependent individuals?
Have we weakened ourselves with the belief that we cannot function without certain amenities?
Are we unwilling to take responsibility for ourselves and our choices?
Do we have the ability to be creative when our worldly sources change or disappear?

Do we need one job or workplace to sustain us?
Have we created a plan for the possibility of job loss?
Do we need the bank or stock market or economy to always grow?
Can we find a better way to handle our finances where we need less?

With our primary relationships, do we have a ways to take care of ourselves if the other is unavailable?
Have we considered our position of emotional, financial or physical dependence on our partner?
Are we willing and able to step up and take responsibility if the other should leave or need us?
Are we aware of the “burden” we put on others by our lack of self responsibility?

In this world of form, there are no certainties.
Everything is changing all the time.
If we want certainty, we must depend on a deeper, higher and lasting Source.
Some call it God, Higher Power, Infinite Intelligence, Truth, our Master Teachers or Guardian Angels.

Take time to look and listen within for a place that is unconditional, omnipresent, All Powerful Love.
I am loving you with the Love I know within,
Betty Lue