I received this email for my response (which follows the note):
Dear Betty Lue,
I feel like I am never loved perfectly, as I am never able to quite relinquish my self doubts and judgments. How do we recognize a possible equal partner and distinguish him for an unequal one? Everybody obviously always gives the best they can, but it may not necessarily be that rewarding or inspiring to the other. You work around it, create compromises, but unless the relationship flows spontaneously in a harmonious way without constant effort, it is not that fulfilling. Also, unless you feel that your communication is on the same wavelength, it is not that fulfilling either.. I am happy for you that you have love in your life that inspires you. I find it lately difficult to keep giving. It feels like it is better than not giving, but sometimes it feels like it is too much effort for too little reward. I know that you are supposed to be fulfilled by the giving itself, but I am not. Other times I wonder if I am able to offer things that are truly valuable to people. HELP!
Love is Not Special
This world’s view of Love is the Specialness given by the lover to the beloved. Whenever there is a special adoration, there may be an equal and opposite abhorrence. Whenever there is a high, there is a counter-balancing low. Whenever there is a lust, there may be moments of disgust. Specialness is of the ego, our human condition which attracts us to that which seems really good and an avoidance of what seems really bad.
When we can love everyone equally, we are in the state of Love. This love is eternal, Divine and of God.
This Love is our true nature and does not change with seasons, conditions or the object of our love.
Unconditional Love is a state of Being which is lasting, consistent and True.
When we seek a special relationship, we believe we are not enough and seek another to affirm our specialness.
As long as that party is able and willing to reassure our specialness by their presence, gifts, words, or actions, we are satisfied.
When they are unable or unwilling to give us what we want, we may feel hurt, rejected, forsaken and betrayed.
Special relationships have moments or even years of attraction, affection and a sense of completion and fulfillment,
but we will fear the loss of that which completes us.
Ultimately all special relationships will fail to satisfy us.
We can only know our wholeness and completion in relationship with the Divine, as we come to love and accept ourselves as we are.
Spiritual Partnerships or Holy Relationships are based on recognizing our partnership with the Divine.
We know our completion in God.
We see ourselves as wholly loved and wholly loving.
We seek only to share and extend the Love we are.
There is no need to get something in return, when one is unconditionally loved and whole.
Life is solely about giving
Spiritual partnership is not about getting anything, but rather about giving to the common good.
The ego seeks to get, and Spirit is called to give. When we are looking to the exchange of Love solely between two people, there is a limited and limiting experience based on the current egoic or personality state of the two beings.
In sickness, sorrow, insanity, guilt and other unwanted states, there is lack of love given and received.
When the relationship is committed to a common and higher goal, the focus transcends the temporary lack in either personality. Special relationships are based on an experience of incompletion or something lacking within the individuals.
Both people seek to get whatever is missing from outside themselves…to complete themselves with another.
When two whole people come together, they seek only to contribute and co-create what is their calling or common vision.
Special relationships are ones in which we are attracted to the frame, the body or personality of the person.
We fall in love with that which we see or want to see.
When we realize the Love we are, we only seek to extend that love to all who come our way.
In this Holy Love there is joining or Union with those who are wholly willing to receive.
Holy Partnerships are sometimes momentary, a holy instant, or sometimes for a number of years and yearly for a lifetime.
There is always opportunity to teach and learn together, to give and receive to one another.
There is always the call to forgive oneself for judging oneself lacking and needy.
There is always the opportunity to notice the blocks to the awareness of Love’s presence within ourselves.
Thus all relationships can teach us to forgive and Love again.
Give your whole Self to Love and Love will give to you. Give your whole relationship to Holy Spirit and allow the undoing of what is false and the emergence of what is True.
Loving you, Betty Lue
Clarification:
I am speaking about all relationships. Lovers, business partners, spiritual teachers, leaders, others authority figures, children, parents, friends and more.