Sunday, February 12, 2017

No More Gossip, Please!

I speak directly to others.
I choose not to compare, complain or communicate about another person.
I want to share with others the best I know to encourage appreciation and compliments.
I walk away from gossiping to others with everyone, family, friends and strangers.

No More Gossip!

Gossip is talking about someone whom you think is not there.

Are they hearing what I am saying?
Would I want someone to be saying this about me?
Do I want them to feel the negative energy I am saying?
Is this purging my emotions to benefit myself?
Am I building unhealthy alliances of negative agreements about another?
Do I really believe my own criticisms and feelings?
Am I projecting my negative feelings about myself?
Is this a replay of my history and my misunderstandings?
Would I benefit from someone talking about me this way?

Gossip makes us sick at heart.
When we are hurting others by gossiping.
We are spreading rumors by gossiping.
We are creating a sick environment when we gossip.

Gossip makes us anxious.
When we attack or blame another, we will fear they will attack us back.
When we are talking behind other’s back, we fear someone is doing the same about us.
When we are saying hurtful words or negative judgments, we are projecting our own fear.

Gossip creates distrust.
If I talk about you, can I really trust you not to gossip about me?
Where there is gossip, there is lack of safety and respect.
When we gossip, we are usually trying to be right about what we believe.

Gossip comes from our fear of talking with others and sharing our feeling.
Gossip is often trying to take care of ourselves, by doing harm to others.
Gossip is creating separation and guilt in ourselves and our relationships.
Gossip become a culture of negativity and politics and one-ups-man-ship.

If you cannot say it to them, don’t say it at all.
If what we say does not benefit others, it is not worth saying,
If you are separate from others, you are withholding your love.
If you are not caring and sharing love, what are you doing?

We live in a culture of talking about and judging others.
If we feel closer and more in appreciation, all is well for all.
If we feel more anxious and separate, it is not healthy for anyone.
If we feel unhappy, tired, suspicious and fearful, it is not good for us.

Talk with the people you care about.
Talk with those who you want to show your love.
Talk with those who you desire to be helpful and kind.
Talk with the ones for whom you have respect.

Healthy communication is essential to build strong connections.
Here are some Do’s and Don’ts.

Communication Suggestions.

Successful Communication Keys:
Calm tone of voice and be on the same level.
Ask permission to speak
Tune in to where they are with desire to understand.
Give what will create the greatest safety and respect.
Talk with kindness and in private.
Step away until both parties are calm.  Use time-outs as needed.
Defuse the stress, urgency and upset, before attempting to talk.
Be clear when you don’t have time or patience to listen.
Write communication to avoid confrontations and arguments.
Allow all parties time to think about their needs and possible equitable solutions.
Encourage using “I feel….. I want…… and I am willing………
Seek cooperative agreement, rather than punishment, threat or demand.
Open your heart to understand (“Walk in their shoes”)
Choose an outcome where everyone wins.

Loving us all to communicate what is helpful, respectful and kind.
Betty Lue

Unhealthy Communication Habits
Do Not:
Interrupt or chime in without receiving permission.
Judge what others are saying.
Believe your ideas are more important.
Disagree or correct what others are saying.

Toxic thoughts, words and actions must be dumped in safe ways.
Never puke and poop on people.
What is hurtful and makes up sick must be released in private dumping grounds.
Learn to flush the toilet, write it and burn it, let it go to do no harm.

Most Destructive Blocks to Healthy Communication
1) Nagging and Criticism (Use constructive requests and be specific.)
2) Defensiveness (Listen and make no excuses.)
3) Contempt with Name-Calling, Belittling and Shaming (No using guilt or blame.)
4) Stone-Walling, Ignoring and silent treatment  (Talk or write when calm.)
5) Belligerence, Threatening, Demanding  Forgive yourself for using power to get your way.

Healthy Habits
Listen with an open and quiet mind.
Wait your turn to speak.
Appreciate what others say.
Honor all differences.
Respect everyone’s communication.
Seek to understand before being understood.
Put first things first.
Happy Relationships before being Right!