Friday, March 11, 2016

Don’t Like It??

I forgive myself for going along to get along.
I edit my thoughts and words to reflect what is true in me.
I give what I want to receive .
I speak and act in ways I want everyone to see and hear.

If you don’t like it………..

If you don’t like “crude”, don’t be rude.
If you don’t like unkindness, don’t be unkind.
If you don’t like yelling, don’t yell.
If you don’t like anything, don’t behave that way.

If you don’t like something, change your own behavior.
We are the teachers with what we think and say and do.
The more we act like what we don’t like, the more it shows up.
The more we think and talk and do what is not true for us, the more we encourage the same.

It is our behavior that teaches others..
Our complaints and threats and words make matters worse.
Our negativity only gives what we don’t like power.
Our greatest teaching is how we live.

If you don’t like someone, don’t play with them.
If you don’t like certain foods, don’t eat them.
If you don’t like a certain behavior, don’t focus on it.
What we give energy to will repeat itself again and again.

Behavior Modification teaches to ignore the behavior you want to extinguish.
It also teaches to reward the behavior you want to encourage.
Give yourself and others positive attention for actions that you prefer.
Step away from interactions you want to discourage.

Often we notice what we dislike and ignore what we like.
Learn to praise yourself and others for the good stuff.
Learn to listen to and enjoy what is positive and kind.
Learn to turn away from gossip, crude language and yelling.

Children and adults learn from one another.
To fit in or belong we often join into the group thinking.
We forget to be true to ourselves and practice what we prefer.
Step away from negative, unkind and thoughtless behavior.

Listen to yourself and see if you are happy with your language.
Watch yourself to see if you are at peace with your behavior.
Notice your thoughts and imaginings to see if they please you.
Everything you think, say and do is teaching your world.

We individually can change our world by changing our mind.
We are guiding our perceptions and projections with our thoughts, words and behavior.
We are powerful teachers of innocence and Love when we choose to be.
We are the caretakers of what is good and whole and true for us all.

Loving you is loving me.
And Loving Me is Loving You.
Betty Lue

No more fighting or arguing!

This rather unconscious way of relating is immature and leads to both parties losing.
Relationships are strengthened by respectful communication and weakened with disrespect.
Being “right” is an endeavor to make the other “wrong”. 
You cannot be happy when either loses.
Choose for peace and harmony where both people are heard and respected and needs honored.

No good comes from fighting, arguing or making the other person “wrong”.
Choose wisely for yourself and the results will be beneficial for all.
Be the conscious adult person in the relationship.

Agree to stop fighting.
Agree to speak respectfully.
Agree to stop criticizing, nagging, blaming or manipulating with guilt.
Agree to step away when you start feeling upset, hurt or angry.
Agree to breathe and release the emotional upset before interacting.
Agree to not threaten, condemn or quit on the relationship.
Agree to step away when either person becomes hurtful or destructive.
Agree to personally work on mastering Respectful Communication.

Respectful Communications Agreements

*Talk and share only when ok with both parties.

*Ask permission before sharing grievances or suggestions.
“Is now a good time for us to talk?”

*Stop when the other requests a break.
    Set another time which will work.
    Give at least 4 hours to clear the emotions and get calm.

*Speak in respectful tones and mannerisms that will not be disturbing.

*If highly emotional, step away, breathe and write down your feelings to clear and heal them!
“The real reason I am Upset is: (Make a thorough list of all your “made up” reasons for upset.)”

Don’t use hurtful communications with the other, because these come from similar unhealed feelings from your past. 
They are then projected onto the current situation for you to heal with your own forgiveness (eraser filled with Love.) 
“I forgive myself for holding this against you to hurt you and our loving relationship.  Above all, I want peace.”

*When clear and complete with your true thoughts and feelings, write:
     I am feeling _______ .  I want_____________.  I am willing ____________.

*Share verbally or in writing with permission of the listener.
    Never insist on a reply.

*If one form of respectful communication does not work, choose another form with different words.

Successful Communication Keys:

Calm tone of voice and be on the same level.
Ask permission to speak
Tune in to where they are with desire to understand.
Give what will create the greatest safety and respect.
Talk with kindness and in private.
Step away until both parties are calm.  Use time-outs as needed.
Defuse the stress, urgency and upset, before attempting to talk.
Be clear when you don’t have time or patience to listen.
Write communication to avoid confrontations and arguments.
Allow all parties time to think about their needs and possible equitable solutions.
Encourage using “I feel….., I want…… and I am willing………
Seek cooperative agreement, rather than punishment, threat or demand.
Open your heart to understand (“Walk in their shoes”)
Choose an outcome where everyone wins.