Saturday, September 13, 2014

Look Again and Listen Deeper!

I forgive myself for trying to be understood before understanding another.
I apologize easily when I do not know what is right and good for you.
I am willing to listen and look through your perspective.
I want always and only the very best for you.
Are you willing to hear other’s point of view?
Are you open to see things differently?
Do you listen to others perspectives?
Do you trust you only know a part of what is?

Often folks talk like they know it all.
People seem to be attached to being “Right”.
There may be a fear of being incorrect.
Are you will to be tolerant and listen?

A discussion becomes an argument when no one listens.
Fights occur only when people are attached to being RIGHT.
We get stuck in our arrogant and righteous beliefs.
No one knows the whole picture.

What you and I know is what we know right now.
There is always more to the story.
We can only understand when we are open to listen.
We can see our tiny piece of the infinite puzzle of life.

When couples Fight it is always their need to be Right.
When people disagree, it only takes one moment to listen.
When there is a desire to prove oneself or win, there will always be a loss.
When we seek for piece, we want a win-win solution.

We only know what we see and hear from our perspective.
We cannot know what others’ see and hear and feel from their perspective.
We can only tell what works for us in our lives.
We cannot know what works for others’ in theirs.

Listen more and talk less.
Understand first, then seek to be understood.
Be patient with the process of communication.
Everyone communicates in their own unique way.

Some communicate feeling and some with thoughts.
Some share slowly after reflecting and some quickly and spontaneously.
Some speak with many words and some have very few words.
Some would rather be loud and some are very soft.

If your form of communicating is not working, try another way.
Speaking together in a quiet confidential place.
Share with clear guidelines and time limits.
Use writing or talking on the phone. (texting often seems to create misunderstandings.)

So much to learn about effective communication.
It changes from person to person.
See tomorrow’s Loving reminders.
Remember you can go online to see all at

Loving us all as we are open and willing to learn a better way.
Betty Lue

Respectful Communications Agreements

*Talk and share only when ok with both parties.
   For men 30 minutes may be way too much so always set a time limit .

*Ask permission before sharing grievances or suggestions.
   “Is now a good time for us to talk?” State you request before you begin.
   “I would like 15 minutes to share some suggestions I have.”

*Stop when the other requests a break.
   Quit before it gets heated.
    Set another time which will work for both.
    Give at least a few hours to clear emotions and get calm.

*Speak in respectful tones and use mannerisms that will not be disturbing.

*If highly emotional, step away, breathe and write down your feelings, before saying aloud.
“The real reason I am Upset is: (Make a thorough list of all your reasons for upset.)”

*When complete with the thoughts and feelings, write:
   I am feeling _______ .  I want_____________.  I am willing ____________.

*Share verbally or in writing with permission of the listener.
    Never insist on a reply.
    Agree to stop fighting.
    Agree to speak respectfully.
    Agree to stop criticizing, nagging, blaming or manipulating with guilt.
    Agree to step away when you start feeling upset, hurt or angry.
    Agree to breathe and release the emotional upselt before interacting.
    Agree to not threaten, condemn or quit on the relationship.
    Agree to personally work on mastering Respectful Communication.

Try these out.

You two will develop your own agreements that work for you both.
These are some temporary communication agreements to try.
Bring them with you at your next meeting with your comments and clarification.

You need to learn to be your best and take full responsibility for your part.
Stop criticizing, fixing or correcting the other.
The work in relationship is to be the adult and the other will learn from you.
If what you do in an adult way does not work, stop and try something else.
The most important key is to treat the other person as you want them to treat you!

Wanting only the best for you both,
Betty Lue