Tuesday, April 30, 2013

What About Relationships?

What works and what doesn’t work, now and in the past?
Who is responsible for the problems?
How do we make our relationships work?
How can I find someone who will love me the way I want to be loved?

Why can’t I “fix” him or her?
How can I “get” what I want?
What is missing”, when we fall “out” of love?
Why is it never enough?

The dilemma of today’s relationships is that they are based on faulty assumptions.
There is no “perfect” or ideal partner or fantasy relationship.
Healthy relationships do not happen through chemistry, attraction or falling in love.
Love is not enough to conquer all.
You cannot keep a healthy relationship, when you dump toxic words and actions on the other.

Successful relationships have common goals, honesty, equality, commitment and responsibility. 
Both people must fully commit to giving always and only their best to their partner.
Both must accept full responsibility for their thoughts, words and actions and clean up their errors.
Both parties must be a safe place where openness and honesty is easy and responded to with love.
Successful partnership, marriage and relationship require common vision, goals, values and direction.

Where there is not compatibility and companionship, there will be conflict or complacency.
Couples must clarity their commonality of preferred lifestyles, money and work values.
Where there are differences, there will be disagreement and trying to convince the other.
When we believe we know what is “right” for another, we will make them “wrong”.

When we find true acceptance, love and respect for differences, there will be tolerance and trust.
When we need to be right or blame another for their errors, we will relate as Parent/child.
When we trust everyone is learning and living their own unique way, we free others to be.
Trust and freedom demonstrates our love, trust, respect and acceptance without condition.

When we learn to give what we want to have….love, trust, respect and acceptance, we will have it!
When we deny others the right to live their own way, we are denying ourselves the same right.
When we recognize that we each and all are learning in our own time and way, we let it be..
To love someone, we do not have to marry, live with, agree with or join them in their choices.

Consider freeing our relationships, where we choose to be together, because it is healthy for both.
Consider trusting those we love to do exactly what they want to and choose to do.
Consider allowing others to give what and how they genuinely want to give, without fear.
Consider giving yourself permission to think and say and do what is true for you with appreciation.

The key to all relationships is to be with those who encourage and support you to be true to you.
The key to loving another is encouraging and supporting them in being true to themselves.
In this you will find freedom and trust.
In this you will know great peace and happiness.

Love is an inside job.
Loving is a choice, not a feeling.
If you base your loving relationships on how you feel, they will never be stable.
Feelings are transitory and Real Love is consistent and does not change.

Healthy relationships are best for both people.
Successful relationship support and encourage each person to be true to themselves and do what is best for themselves.
Healthy relationship give their best and let go of the attachment when it is not healthy and positive for either person.
Truly loving relationships do not try to get the other person to stay or give what they are now willing or capable of giving.

Stop trying to keep  or make what is not good for you or for the other person.
Let go with gratitude and respect and Love.  
Love is freeing and trusting yourself and the one you love.
Loving you with the best I know.
Betty Lue 

Healing Relationships

You are responsible for your own happiness and inner peace.

Where we are upset (angry, hurt, afraid, judgmental), our past wounds (unhealed stuff) has been triggered.   This shows us where we have work to do.

The usual relationship habit is to try to “fix” the other person, to get them to change or stop saying or doing what has upset us. This makes the other feel “wrong” and guilty and hurt and angry and inadequate. This only exaggerates the problem.  
It is ineffective over the long term.

The real work is to heal our own woundedness, to clear our own buttons and heal our history and forgive allowing anything or anyone to hurt us.  When we have done our work, we can be truly effective, helpful and teach by example.

This is a big job.  
It cannot be done overnight, but takes constant practice.
We must first take good care of ourselves mentally, physically, and spiritually.  
Being conscious and taking impeccable care of ourselves is essential to quality relationships.

Begin now with learning to love, respect, trust and appreciate yourself.
The more you love, trust, respect and appreciate yourself, 
the more others will love, trust, respect and appreciate you.
The more you love, respect, trust and appreciate yourself, 
the more others will do the same for themselves and  for others.

You are the living example, the teacher, with everything you think, say and do.