Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Parenting and Other Attachments

Written mostly in response to concerns of a mother of older teen.
It also applies to most special “love” relationships.

Attachment is the source of all suffering and disappointment.
Emancipation can be painful when a parent (person) clings or is needy.
Freedom is our natural state.
When we deny freedom to ourselves or others, we are inter-fearing in their flow.

Ask yourself whether you can trust your parenting (relationship) skills.
Ask yourself what you were doing as a teen and throughout your life
Are you projecting your judgments of your choices and behaviors onto others?
How does your past behavior generate your thoughts about your loved ones?
How is your parenting alike or different than your parents?
Most important, ask the loved one what he/she wants her relationship to be with you?.
Ask your loved one what he/she believes they are ready to be responsible for?

Love is freedom, and trust....
Freedom to make choices.  ( For a young child, “Do you want milk or juice to drink?”
For older teen “What time is appropriate for you to be home?”

“Do you see this as the best choice for you?”
For older person, “ What is the best choice you can make in this circumstance?”

Fear is restriction and doubting.
Do you love and want the best for the loved one or are you afraid for him/her?
Trust frees the other to make choices and learn from their choices.
This does not prevent you from giving more information, as does a consultant.

Most of us know the answers to all our questions, when we calm our emotions and are at peace.
We may ask others for agreement on how to let go and emancipate ourselves and others.
We need to forgive our judgments of our own “mistakes” to allow others to make their own.
I trust you have modeled for others how to correct mistakes along the way and to learn from everything.

Most of us are teaching our loved ones what we expect from them (fear might happen).
People often fulfill our fears because we have taught them falsely.
We can teach our loved ones by example to be responsible, to trust themselves and to choose wisely.
We can model trust and freeing ourselves to learn by making our own choices and always learning.

Know I love you and trust in your Love.
I do not trust in fear and self doubt.
I trust in the Truth in you as God and Good for everyone and everything.
“I easily let go and free others to be the best they choose to be.”

Loving you,  

Betty Lue

¤      I love you      ¤
and I know you love me too.

The freedom for you and I to be who we are.
The freedom to live life as we do.
The freedom to make mistakes and learn from them.
The freedom to express our own truth as we see it.

The trust that there is a constant flow of love,
no matter what.
The trust that, in spite of life’s problems,
we believe in and support each other’s right
to live as we choose.
The trust that in adversity,
there is healing and learning and gifts of love.
The trust that under conflict and emotional expression,
there is love

I love you and I trust you.
I free you to be all you are.

Betty Lue 1978