Monday, November 30, 2009

Issues Presented without Offense

(You can apply this to all issues and upsets!)
“Is it possible to present your issues or upsets with someone without offending them?
Is there a way to discuss what is bothering you without the other person becoming defensive or hurt?
Is there a way to get the other person to understand and agree with meeting your needs?”
A reader.

Often issues are presented in a way that attacks the other, rather than presents how the upset individual needs to learn and grow within themselves.
Remember, our issues come from parts of ourselves that need healing, forgiveness and/or to be seen and responded to differently.

“I have an issue about.......”
“What I need to do to handle this issue better is.....”
“What you can do to help me with this issue is........”
All our upsets and issues are really about past similar experiences with unresolved feeling.
Our relationships offer us a replay of situations we have experienced before.

Without peace there can be no understanding.
When either or both parties are upset, there is distortion of facts, emotional reactivity, words and actions taken which are immature and destructive.

Stop all arguments by simply being silent, not defensive or argumentative. Be the one who either listens for the deeper need or simply excuse yourself and step away.

Take responsibility for your feelings, issues and reactions.
Rather than take out our emotions on the persons involved, it is far more effective and healing to step away and do our own inner work to find peaceful resolution.

Always set up circumstances where both people win and find inner peace.
If you need help to resolve your feelings, ask the most willing person at a time when your request can be received with respect and love.

My Example:
I have an issue with parents, step parents, teachers, childcare folks, etc who take out their emotional issues on children without taking into consideration the child’s needs, their history or their currents problems.
I can talk to every parent I see in the grocery store, in families I counsel or anywhere it comes up.
I can have the intention of being truly helpful, but giving the clear message I disagree with their method and think they should find a better way or communicating with and treating children.
I can imagine I am defending and protecting children, but be seen as interfering and antagonize the adults.
So what am I suggesting?
I have an issue about how adults treat children.
What I need to do to handle this issue better is find out why adults to what they do and forgive all past experiences with adults who were angry, abusive or hurtful.
What you can do to help me is remind me you are always loving the best way you know in the moment.

Hope this helps…..

PS (Postscript)  Yes, Definitely stop all behaviors of adults and children where someone is being harmed.  Yes, take care of the children in your life with patience, encouragement, positive direction and Love.
Yes, forgive the past, yours, mine and ours for all the ways humanity has not loved one another.
Yes, do what you are called to do from a loving and healing place within.

Loving you.
Betty Lue