BE EMOTIONALLY MATURE!
THINK FIRST.
RESPOND RESPECTFULLY.
Affirmations:
I no longer need approval from others. I now approve of myself.
I am highly pleasing to myself in the presence of _________.
I trust and respect myself, therefore I treat others with trust and respect.
The more I respect myself and others, the more they learn to respect me.
I behave as a responsible and respectful adult with self control and self discipline.
Behave Like An Adult!
When there is a problem or upset, what works?
When you react with anger, what can you do?
When you make things worse, what is a better strategy?
When you feel out of control, what is effective?
When you feel the problem coming on, stop yourself.
Take a few deep breaths to pause and clear your thoughts.
Step away enough to see the problem without emotion.
When you are able to be neutral, factual and adult, you respond.
Our work as adults is to be informed.
Our work is to be able to see and think and speak clearly.
Our work is to be a safe place to understand and respond with respect.
Our work is to know better and do better.
What is your goal in all situations?
Is your goal to be effective or right?
Is your goal to help or to hinder?
Is your goal to respect or to bully?
If you have learned to use power, you will use threats.
If you have learned manipulation, you will use guilt.
If you have learned to be “nice”, you will use bribes.
If you have learned to be resourceful, you will be tricky.
Whether dealing with a stranger or family member, you must know your desired outcome.
Without a clear goal, we are tempted to just flounder around trying to get our way.
Without a clear end in mind, you may allow the other to lead the dance.
Without a vision of respect, responsibility and cooperation, you may create more mess.
What brings on anger are feelings of powerlessness, helplessness, fear and confusion.
When in doubt, have a temper tantrum.
When in fear, get angry.
When upset, scare yourself and the other with your rage.
Childish behavior escalates the problem.
Childish behavior fuels the emotional upset.
Childish behavior uses whatever tactics seem to get attention.
Childish behavior often brings out the worst in the other.
The adult clears themselves before them engage in resolving the issue.
The adult stops their emotional reactions.
The adult takes a pause to clear negative thoughts and harmful emotions.
The adult steps away for the situation to get a new perspective and optimum response.
To be adult is to be wise and open-minded.
To be adult is to be respectful and responsible.
To be adult is to be willing and able.
To be adult is to listen with patience and acceptance.
To be adult is to be safe and non-judging.
To be adult is to want the optimum win/win solution.
To be adult is to care enough to share your desire for what is fair.
Adult Behavior:
Stop emotional reactions. (Don’t say something hurtful to you or the other.)
Breathe to clear your mind. (Pause for a few seconds/minutes. Take a time out!)
Step away to see clearly. (Find a new perspective and goal for win/win solution.)
Listen for your real needs. (Listen without judgment or prejudice to what is needed.)
Set a goal for win/win solution. (Choose to be a safe place for peaceful resolution.)
Learn to appreciate yourself. (Appreciate every learning and successful experience.)
Trusting you to find a Better Way!
Betty Lue
10 Signs of Emotional Maturity
1. Being Flexible- It’s all too easy to assume things will go according to plan, or that a situation or event will go smoothly because it has each time in the past. When it doesn’t (and that is often a “when” than an “if”), an emotionally mature person is able to think things out and come up with a viable Plan B or even C as needed so that a situation can be dealt with, and still move forward not letting the bump in the road ruin the entire plan.
2. Taking Ownership & Responsibility- An emotionally mature person is able to own up to their own mistakes and not immediately look to blame others. This takes a level of self-honesty and acceptance. If things keep on going wrong, an emotionally mature person will look inwards for answers as to what thoughts or actions may be contributing to the situation and works towards a better understanding and course of action moving forward.
3. Knowing That They Don’t Know Everything- An emotionally mature person knows what they don’t know, and also knows that their own way of doing things may not be the only way or even the best way. They don’t argue “just to be right” or to show dominance to be in charge. They keep an open mind and have open ears and eyes to look for situations where they may be able to learn something, as well as know when they may have something positive to contribute to a situation that can help others.
4. They Look for Learning and Growth From Every Opportunity- An emotionally mature person is on the lookout for what can be learned from any situation or opportunity, and searches for the growth opportunity within it, asking “How can I learn and grow from this?”
5. They Actively Seek Out Multiple Points of View To Help Inform Their Own- Emotionally mature people actively seek to inform their own opinions by actively seeking out the points of view of others. They don’t feel threatened by disagreement, but look to be informed by people, and aren’t afraid to question both their own convictions, knowing that they don’t exist in a vacuum. It’s not about an argument to prove who is right; it’s about wanting to be informed by different points of view to further clarify their own points of view or recognizing that perhaps their point of view may even be wrong.
6. They Stay Resilient- In the face of upset, setbacks, or disappointments, an emotionally mature person will acknowledge their feelings, identify what can be done, and then decide what steps to take to move on.
7. They Have a Calm Disposition- Emotionally mature people do get mad but do not let the emotion dictate their response. They aim to have a clear mind with the goal of having rationality dictate how to effectively deal a situation and also see all of the available options to come to a successful resolution. They know that when emotions override rationality, clearness of thought gets blurred and can limit the options for dealing effectively.
8. They Believe in Themselves- Emotionally mature people don’t have a false sense of self that is ego-based and deluded. But they do have optimism in their own ability to use effort and patience as a way to establish the belief that they are equipped to deal with whatever life may through their way.
9. Approachability- Emotionally mature people are able to and prefer to talk WITH people, not AT them. They have genuine empathy for others, an open mind, and work towards not being judgmental of others, knowing that judgments are often based on preconceived notions can impede their ability to know someone and their truth.
10. A Good Sense of Humor– Emotionally mature people realize that all of life can’t be taken seriously. They do realize the importance of getting done what needs to get done, but they realize the importance of having fun and laughter in life as a great coping mechanism and pressure release from stress.