Monday, May 22, 2017

Say What You Want

I speak the best I know.
I think, speak and behave with integrity.
I forgive making assumptions and holding the past.
I say what is positive and respectful of myself and others.

Say What You Want!

Most say what they don’t want.
Most complain and whine about what is not good.
Most think threat and punishment gets good response.
Most are misinformed about what works to create more good.

We all tend to hold onto the negative.
We often are sharing the negative gossip.
We don't understand why no one listens.
We keep repeating the bad, angry, fearful and ugly stuff.

The mind does not easily discern or figure out what is wanted.
The upset adults words are difficult for child, partner or friend to get what we do want.
People keep hearing the negative stuff repeated and so they too repeat it all.
We need to state clearly the positive, simple direct message of what we DO want.

What you prefer is to have what you want heard.
What you prefer is to be heard and respected.
What you prefer is to have your child or mate do what you want.
Learn to say only the positive and affirmative in a simple clear way.

I want the TV off for the next hour before dinner.
I really love when you make your room clean and orderly.
I want your help putting the kids to bed.
I would appreciate a hug right now.
I love you to ask me for help with a please and thank you.
I am grateful we trust each other to do our part.

I affirm my body is healthy and my mind is positive.
I remember to say what I want in a clear and kind way.
I now eliminate my past negativity and speak with respect.
I talk with and treat others in the way that works for all.

Remember to always clearly state what you prefers is key to getting results.
It is essential that we stop using negatives when we make requests.
I want you to help me with dinner by setting the table.”
“Please play in the yard, so I feel you are safe.”

Remember that everyone needs to be reminded.
Everyone needs you to ask with respect.
Everyone needs you to speak clearly at a time they can hear you.
Everyone needs you to believe in them.

Give love to others in the ways that you want them to give love to you!!
Loving you,
Betty Lue

Unhealthy Communication Habits
Do Not:
Interrupt or chime in without receiving permission.
Judge what others are saying.
Believe your ideas are more important.
Disagree or correct what others are saying.

Toxic thoughts, words and actions must be dumped in safe ways.
Never puke and poop on people.
What is hurtful and makes up sick must be released in private dumping grounds.
Learn to flush the toilet, write it and burn it, let it go to do no harm.

Most Destructive Blocks to Healthy Communication
1) Nagging and Criticism (Use constructive requests and be specific.)
2) Defensiveness (Listen and make no excuses.)
3) Contempt with Name-Calling, Belittling and Shaming (No using guilt or blame.)
4) Stone-Walling, Ignoring and silent treatment  ( alk or write when calm.)
5) Belligerence, Threatening, Demanding 
Forgive yourself for using power to get your way.
Successful Communication Keys:
Calm tone of voice and be on the same level.
Ask permission to speak
Tune in to where they are with desire to understand.
Give what will create the greatest safety and respect.
Talk with kindness and in private.
Step away until both parties are calm.  Use time-outs as needed.
Defuse the stress, urgency and upset, before attempting to talk.
Be clear when you don’t have time or patience to listen.
Write communication to avoid confrontations and arguments.
Allow all parties time to think about their needs and possible equitable solutions.
Encourage using “I feel….., I want…… and I am willing………
Seek cooperative agreement, rather than punishment, threat or demand.
Open your heart to understand (“Walk in their shoes”)
Choose an outcome where everyone wins.

Healthy Habits
Listen with an open and quiet mind.
Wait your turn to speak.
Appreciate what others say.
Honor all differences.
Respect everyone’s communication.
Seek to understand before being understood.
Put first things first.
Choose being Happy before being Right!