Affirmations:
I speak directly to others.
I choose not to compare, complain or communicate about
another person.
I want to share with others the best I know to encourage
appreciation and compliments.
I walk away from gossiping to others with everyone,
family, friends and strangers.
No More Gossip!
Gossip is talking about someone whom you think is not
there.
Are they hearing what I am saying?
Would I want someone to be saying this about me?
Do I want them to feel the negative energy I am saying?
Is this purging my emotions to benefit myself?
Am I building unhealthy alliances of negative agreements
about another?
Do I really believe my own criticisms and feelings?
Am I projecting my negative feelings about myself?
Is this a replay of my history and my misunderstandings?
Would I benefit from someone talking about me this way?
Gossip makes us sick at heart.
When we are
hurting others by gossiping.
We are
spreading rumors by gossiping.
We are
creating a sick environment when we gossip.
Gossip makes us anxious.
When we
attack or blame another, we will fear they will attack us back.
When we are
talking behind other’s back, we fear someone is doing the same about us.
When we are
saying hurtful words or negative judgments, we are projecting our own fear.
Gossip creates distrust.
If I talk
about you, can I really trust you not to gossip about me?
Where there
is gossip, there is lack of safety and respect.
When we
gossip, we are usually trying to be right about what we believe.
Gossip comes from our fear of talking with others and
sharing our feeling.
Gossip is
often trying to take care of ourselves, by doing harm to others.
Gossip is
creating separation and guilt in ourselves and our relationships.
Gossip
become a culture of negativity and politics and one-ups-man-ship.
If you cannot say it to them, don’t say it at all.
If what we
say does not benefit others, it is not worth saying,
If you are
separate from others, you are withholding your love.
If you are
not caring and sharing love, what are you doing?
We live in a culture of talking about and judging others.
If we feel
closer and more in appreciation, all is well for all.
If we feel
more anxious and separate, it is not healthy for anyone.
If we feel
unhappy, tired, suspicious and fearful, it is not good for us.
Talk with the people you care about.
Talk with
those who you want to show your love.
Talk with
those who you desire to be helpful and kind.
Talk with
the ones for whom you have respect.
Healthy
communication is essential to build strong connections.
Here are
some Do’s and Don’ts.
Communication
Suggestions.
Successful Communication Keys:
Calm tone of voice
and be on the same level.
Ask permission to
speak
Tune in to where
they are with desire to understand.
Give what will
create the greatest safety and respect.
Talk with kindness
and in private.
Step away until
both parties are calm. Use time-outs as needed.
Defuse the stress,
urgency and upset, before attempting to talk.
Be clear when you
don’t have time or patience to listen.
Write communication
to avoid confrontations and arguments.
Allow all parties
time to think about their needs and possible equitable solutions.
Encourage using “I
feel….. I want…… and I am willing………
Seek cooperative
agreement, rather than punishment, threat or demand.
Open your heart to
understand (“Walk in their shoes”)
Choose an outcome
where everyone wins.
Loving us all to communicate what is helpful, respectful
and kind.
Betty Lue
Unhealthy
Communication Habits
Do Not:
Interrupt or chime in without receiving permission.
Judge what others are saying.
Believe your ideas are more important.
Disagree or correct what others are saying.
Toxic thoughts, words and actions must be dumped in safe
ways.
Never puke and poop on people.
What is hurtful and makes up sick must be released in
private dumping grounds.
Learn to flush the toilet, write it and burn it, let it
go to do no harm.
Most Destructive
Blocks to Healthy Communication
1) Nagging and Criticism (Use constructive requests and
be specific.)
2) Defensiveness (Listen and make no excuses.)
3) Contempt with Name-Calling, Belittling and Shaming (No
using guilt or blame.)
4) Stone-Walling, Ignoring and silent treatment (Talk
or write when calm.)
5) Belligerence, Threatening, Demanding Forgive yourself for using power to get your way.
**********************************************
Healthy Habits
Listen with an open and quiet mind.
Wait your turn to speak.
Appreciate what others say.
Honor all differences.
Respect everyone’s communication.
Seek to understand before being understood.
Put first things first.
Happy
Relationships before being Right!