Affirmations:
It
is fun, safe and easy to be honest and respectful in my relationships.
I
am open and willing to be awake and aware in all my relationships.
I
choose wisely where, when, how and with whom I spend my time, energy, wisdom
and resources.
I
am clear in how to live a successful, happy and fulfilling life.
(See Keys to Successful Relationships
and Habits of Successful People below!)
To relate
is to see the other side of things.
To relate
means to stand by one another.
To relate is
to bring back and restore.
To relate is
to connect.
When you find
yourself in a real relationship, you feel connected and restored to your
real self.
Many
relationships are for gratification or pleasure of one or both.
Some relationships
are to avoid feeling alone or separate.
Some relationships
are an attempt to find a reason to be together.
Other relationships
have a common interest or goal in their joining.
When we remember the
Seven Habits of Highly Effective People:
We can be
proactive and take responsibility for our choices.
We can begin
with the end in mind, our values, personal mission and ideal
relationship clarified.
We can start
with first things first, focused on our own priorities. (And not use
sex or attraction as bait.)
We can think
Win-Win always seeking mutual benefit and work together toward positive
outcome.
We can seek
first to understand before being understood and listen closely to what the
other truly means.
We can synergize
and create teamwork and cooperation with respect for the
others’ needs and wants.
We can “sharpen
the saw” and attend to our own balance and self renewal, fulfilling our own
happiness.
Relationships
between men and women have their own unique qualities.
Friendships will
have their own unique composition, companionship, teaching/learning,
convenience, etc.
Social and business
relationships are different in their desired outcome and intentions.
People often use one
another without being clear and open about the value of their relationships.
When two or more
people come together, upsets are to help each individual to heal themselves.
The vulnerability
that people feel is to help them reconcile within themselves their own healing.
When we are clear,
happy, healthy and fulfilled within, our relationships are responsive to the
needs.
When we are
confused, unhappy, sick and needy, relationship tend to be reactive and
confrontational.
When people are
focused on short term gratification or personal pleasure, they miss the true
value.
When people want to
get something for themselves, they become narrow-minded and selfish.
When people are so
needy, they take whatever they get, they often hurt themselves and others.
When people want to
have the ideal through magical means, they may miss the reality of
relationships.
Falling in love is
short term.
Growing in love is
long term.
Getting what you
want is ego-centric.
Giving all you have
is spiritually fulfilling.
Love can be
personality based and temporary or spiritually based and long term.
Relating can be
brief or for a singular purpose or long term for a common calling or cause.
Communication can be
devoted to being heard or understood or getting approval and be one-sided.
True Communication
can be seeking to understand another and sharing common values and goals.
When you learn how
successful relationships, friendships and partnerships work effectively, you
can invite those who seek similar ideals and goals.
Value yourself
and your real relationships.
Clarify what you are
seeking and be all that you seek.
Give yourself the
very best in with whom and how you relate.
There is no need to
sacrifice your personal ideas just to be in relationship.
Blessings of clarity
and affirmation for you and your best.
Betty Lue
Keys
to Successful Relationships
Joining-Create a common vision or shared
goal.
Honesty- Communicate your true intention
without secrets or withholds.
Equality-Each is giving the best they know
in each moment.
Commitment- Agree to what is highest and best
for both parties.
Responsibility- Be able and willing to respond
consciously to all relationship needs without guilt or blame. Be respectful and
forgiving of mistakes made.
Successful
Relationships
To
have successful relationships with partners, spouse, coworkers, teammates,
children there are five essential factors: Joining, Honesty, Equality,
Commitment, Responsibility.
Joining: All parties must share a common
goal or vision for their relationship. This shared vision comes from
communication regarding the needs of each individual, their vision for the
future and what they share in common.
Honesty: Honest communication is sharing
what really matters with no blame, guilt or withholds.
Honest
is a byproduct of integrity, living one’s life on purpose with openness and
appreciation.
Equality:
When both
parties are giving their best in each moment, there is equality. Equality
is not measured by comparison: it is experienced when there is the willingness
to give one’s best even when it is less than the other. To quit or hold
back on one’s giving creates inequality.
Commitment:
To commit to the
fulfillment of the desired vision or goal and to the success of the
relationship requires always choosing what is best for both. Decisions
are based on what is a win/win for all concerned. One must be committed
to what is highest and best for each party.
Responsibility:
Being fully able
and willing to respond to whatever is needed to create success through joining,
honesty, equality and commitment is being fully responsible. Where there
is guilt or blame being communicated, there is inequality and victimization as
well as lack of responsibility.
To
be successful requires staying conscious.
To
be successful requires a willingness to communicate with respect.
To
be successful requires an acceptance of differences.
To
be successful requires open-minded and appreciation of all parties.
To
take on unconscious patterns of dysfunctional family systems will limit the
success of one’s joining, honest communication, true willingness to give.,
total commitment to what is best for all and assuming full responsibility for
the quality of the relationship.
If you
want success and fulfillment in your relationships, begin today to observe what
you can do to improve them in every way. You need not depend upon the other changing in order to increase the
quality of your relating.
Blessings
for choosing a better way,
Betty
Lue
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
We
need to balance short-term results with long-term prosperity (i.e. Aesop’s
“Goose and the Golden Egg”)
We need to subordinate a need to do things
right (efficiency) to the need to do the right things (effectiveness).
Albert
Gray, The Common Denominator of Success:
“Successful people have the habit of doing the things failures don’t like to
do. They don’t like doing them either, necessarily, but their disliking
is subordinated to the strength of their purpose.”
Habits are patterns
of behavior composed of three overlapping components: knowledge, attitude
and skill. We are not our current habits, hence we should avoid defining
ourselves in terms of our habits, characteristics, and reactive
tendencies. Habits of effectiveness can be learned, habits of
ineffectiveness unlearned.
Successful people daily weave habits
of effectiveness into their lives. Often, they are internally motivated
by a strong sense of mission. By subordinating their dislike for certain
tasks, they develop the following seven habits and discipline their lives in
accordance with fundamental principles.
The
first three habits are habits of character. They will help you achieve
the daily private victory and progress from a state of dependence to
independence.
The next three habits are outward expressions of character
and lead to interdependence, mutual benefit, and public victories.
The
seventh habit renews “the goose” and sustains the growth process.
Habit
1: Be Proactive
The habit of being proactive, or the habit of personal vision, means taking
responsibility for our attitudes and actions. Proactive people
develop the ability to choose their response, making them more a product of
their values and decisions than their moods and conditions. The more we
exercise our freedom to choose, our response-ability, the more proactive we
become.
Habit
2: Begin With The End In Mind
Begin each day or project with a clear understanding
of your desired direction and destination. Effective people realize that
things are created mentally before they are created physically. They
write a mission or purpose statement and use it as a frame of reference for
making future decisions. They clarify values and set priorities before
selecting goals and going about the work.
Habit
3: Put First Things First
This is the habit of personal management, and it
involves organizing and managing time and events around the personal priorities
identified in Habit 2. 80% of the desired results flow from 20% of the
activities (the “high leverage” activities). Devote less attention to
activities that are urgent, but unimportant and more time to those things that
are important, but not necessarily urgent.
Habit
4: Think Win-Win
This is the habit of interpersonal leadership seeking mutual benefit.
It begins with a commitment to explore all options until a mutually
satisfactory solution is reached. It begins with an abundance
mentality. The win-win performance agreement clarifies expectations
by making the following five elements very explicit: desired results,
guidelines, resources, accountability, and consequences.
Habit
5: Seek First To Understand Then To Be Understood
This is the habit of
communication. We see the world as we
are, not as it is. Our perceptions come out of our experiences. One
must exercise empathy, seeking first to understand the point of view of the
other person. Once people are understood, they lower their defenses.
Habit
6: Synergize
This is the habit of creative cooperation or teamwork. Operating from
a win-win abundance mentality and exercising empathy, differences in any
relationship can produce synergy, where the whole is greater than the sum of
its parts. Synergy results from valuing differences, by bringing
different perspectives together in the spirit of mutual respect. Real
oneness means complementariness.
Habit
7: Sharpen The Saw
This is the habit of self-renewal. When people get busy producing or
“sawing”, they rarely take time to sharpen the saw because maintenance seldom
pays dramatic immediate dividends. Sharpening the saw means having a
balanced, systematic program for self-renewal in the 4 areas of our lives:
physical, mental, emotional-social, and spiritual.
Mission Statement
THE
CREATION OF A PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT
A meaningful personal Mission Statement contains both
what you want to do (what you want to accomplish, what contributions you
want to make) and what you want to be (what character strengths you want
to have, what qualities you want to develop).
Step
1: Define what you want to be and do
What I would like to do:
What I would like to
be:
Step
2: Identify and influential person
—Who has been one of the most influential people in my
life?
Which of their qualities do I most admire?
What qualities
have I gained (or desire to gain) from that person?
Step
3: Define your life roles
—Define up to 7 life roles (parts you have chosen to fill in work, family,
community, and other areas of your life) and write how you would most like to
be described in that particular role. Listing roles helps you gain
perspective and balance and the desired descriptions help you visualize your highest
self.
Step
4: Write a draft of your personal mission statement
Step
5: Evaluate
—Is my mission based on timeless, proven principles? Which ones?
Do
I feel this represents the best that is within me?
During my best
moments, do I feel good about what this represents?
Do I feel direction,
purpose, challenge and some motivation when I review this statement?
Am
I aware of the strategies and skills that will help me accomplish what I have
written?
What do I need to start doing now to be where I want to be
tomorrow?
Step
6: Write a permanent draft
—Review this frequently for accuracy and to keep your
vision and your values clearly in mind.
THE
IMPLEMENTATION OF YOUR PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT
Step
1: Sharpen the saw activities
—Define and schedule personal time for your physical,
mental, spiritual and social-emotional activities which will keep your life in
balance.
Step
2: Define Key Goals
—Having defined your life roles, now write one, two or three key goals you
wish to work on or accomplish for the next week for each role listed.
Step
3: Allot time
—Schedule the appropriate amount of time you anticipate these key activities
to take.
Step
4: Schedule
—Evaluate prior appointments and commitments in relation to your own defined
key roles and goals, distinguish between urgent and important, and schedule
accordingly.
Step
5: Live the program
—Execute your plan. Spend a few minutes each day going over that day’s
activities and stay flexible so you can focus on effectiveness and results rather
than efficiency and methods. Weekly planning allows you to see a broader
context and schedule your priorities rather than merely prioritize what’s on
your schedule. It also enables you to lead your life instead of simply
managing your time.
Leadership is a process, not an event. By
identifying your vision, capturing it through your Mission Statement and
keeping it constantly before you through weekly planning, you will have laid a
firm foundation for personal leadership.