Affirmations:
I am open and willing to choose a better way.
I am responsible for the life I have.
I forgive all past errors and choose again for ease and safety and joy.
Life is fun, safe and easy, when I listen within and follow what is Good for me.
Take responsibility for how you see your life.
Be willing to own your judgments of yourself.
Understand that you complaints belong to you.
Realize that what you see is determined by your beliefs.
What you believe is what you see.
What you look for, you will find.
When you look for what is wrong, you will see the mistakes.
When you look for the good, you will see the Good.
We each see life from a very different perspective.
We have been taught to see the world from our parents’ view point usually.
Our survival, safety and belonging were based on our agreement.
We continue to agree or rebel and react until we become conscious and at choice.
Some agree with childhood beliefs, perspectives, reactions and choices for a lifetime.
Some change their own minds during adolescence and young adulthood and may rebel.
Some simply choose parental or authority figures who feel safer, kinder and more healthy.
Some free themselves, explore and make new independent choices.
Cultures, religions, institutions, nations and family systems tend to cling to their beliefs.
Beliefs hold them together with group thought.
Group beliefs are the salve that heals the wounds of those who believe.
Group beliefs are designed to protect, provide and guide those who have need.
When one has a background of pain and suffering, there is a need for healing and comfort.
When there is a childhood of confusion and conflict, there is a need for clarity and harmony.
When there are experiences of deception and disappointment, there is a need for honesty and integrity.
When one experiences uncertainty and no structure, there is a need for guidelines and regulations.
Each childhood lack will be repeated in adulthood relationships and life style, in order to heal.
The healing is recognizing there is an option to choose differently.
To see things differently is to be aware of what is needed and resolve it with a change in perception.
To change one’s viewpoint will change what is experienced in life.
To see differently requires a willingness to change one’s thinking.
To see differently invites us to take responsibility for what is seen.
To see differently asks that we forgive and erase our judgments.
To see differently forgives what was and chooses for what will be.
To change what we believe changes what we see.
To change what we think changes how we feel.
To change what we feel changes how we behave.
To change how we behave changes our experience.
And so it is, we can change all things.
Everything is possible for those who believe it is possible.
All things work together for Good when we choose that all things work together for Good.
Life works more exquisitely than we can plan, when we know and trust our Life works!
Life works when we do the work!
Betty Lue
The 12 Principles of Attitudinal Healing
Attitudinal Healing affirms that we are responsible for our thoughts and whatever feelings we experience.
Attitudinal Healing encourages us to re-examine our relationships, bringing them into the present by releasing past judgments and grievances.
Attitudinal Healing reminds us that perception is a mirror of what is in our mind.
1. The essence of our being is love.
2. Health is inner peace, healing is letting go of fear.
3. Giving and receiving are the same.
4. We can let go of the past and of the future.
5. Now is the only time there is, and each instant is for giving.
6. We can learn to love ourselves and others by forgiving rather than by judging.
7. We can become love finders rather than fault finders.
8. We can choose and direct ourselves to be peaceful inside, regardless of what is happening outside.
9. We are students and teachers to each other.
10. We can focus on the whole of life, rather than the fragments.
11. Since love is eternal, change need not be viewed as fearful.
12. We can always perceive others as either extending love or giving a call for help.
The 5 Languages of Fear
or
The 5 Calls for Love
An intuitive look at some possible explanations for unacceptable behavior. According to A Course in Miracles, everything is either a gift of love or a call for love.
The 5 Languages of Love (Dr. Gary Chapman) teach us more about how to effectively give and receive the gifts of love, but what about responding to the calls for love?
The answer is always to “give love”, but that is only possible after we have stopped reacting to the call as a personal attack.
The first step is awareness. Awareness with love is healing.
When people are in fear or pain (and needing love), they are not always sensitive, aware, articulate, considerate or even caring. They will either see you as the cause of their current dilemma or just a handy (loving) person they can strike out at so they won’t be alone in their misery. They will either deprive you of what they know you value most or what they, themselves, value most.
Here are 5 possible disguises of the call for love.
1. The Put-Down—This includes complaining, anger, blame, guilt, insults, destructive words. If Words of Affirmation are a primary love language for you, hearing someone else’s pain directed at you can be especially hurtful.
2. The Cold Shoulder—This includes being pre-occupied, too busy, multi-tasking, distracted, walking away, ignoring, threatening to leave or end the relationship, shutting you out. If Quality Time is a primary love language for you, being left alone or abandoned can be devastating.
3. The Take-Away—This includes taking or breaking things, stealing, constantly saying “We can’t afford it”, not giving or sharing, being selfish. If Receiving Gifts is a primary love language for you, being deprived will be hurtful way out of proportion to the value of the actual gift itself.
4. The Complication—This includes forgetting to do things, being too busy to help out, refusing to help out, being destructive, making messes, causing problems, adding complications and making more work. If Acts of Service are a primary love language for you, the burden of having to do more or do it all yourself leaves you feeling hurt and resentful.
5. The Hurt—This includes hitting, hurting, outside affairs and cheating, withholding/denying touch and affection, and all acts of physical violence. If Physical Touch is a primary love language for you, either destructive touching or touch deprivation can cause you to emotionally wither and want to withdraw from the world.
Keys to responding with love:
1. Don’t take it personally. It’s not about you. It’s about them. If you take it personally, they may think it actually is about you and fail to (eventually) take responsibility for their condition.
2. Take care of yourself. You may need to actually remove yourself from the situation in order to stop getting hurt and to get clear. If you let them hurt you, you create either conscious or unconscious guilt on their part, which will cause them to either attack more vigorously or withdraw completely.
3. Listen within for guidance. Once you can bring yourself to peace and neutrality, listen to your heart about how to respond. This is clearly a call for love. What does the other person actually need or want? What will be the most helpful and the most easily received by them. Sometimes love and forgiveness is best expressed in person and sometimes it is more effective from a distance. Do you need to speak, write, think, pray, act?
4. Do what you hear and trust it is good. Get on with your life and keep loving yourself so you can continue to love others.
Robert Waldon, Feb. 2012
The 5 Love Languages
What if you could say or do just the right thing guaranteed to make that special someone feel loved? The secret is learning the right love language! Millions of couples have learned the simple way to express their feelings and bring joy back into marriage: The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman’s New York Times bestseller!
Words of Affirmation Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.