Do you have the courage to speak up when helpful?
Do you have the strength to do the right thing?
Are you willing to be the One who says “NO”?
Can you trust you intuition to know when to help?
Do you know how to get things done?
Do you understand how to be quiet when needed?
Do you realize how many need it to be their idea?
Do you use tact and diplomacy with finesse?
Are you sensitive to others’ feelings and passion?
Do you get how sometimes more is done with less?
Do you wait until you are upset before you speak?
Are you clear that peaceful communication works best?
Are you aware of how you attack rather than share?
Do you hear the tone of your own voice and calm yourself?
Can you feel when your emotions are getting the best of you?
Do you notice how defensive others are when you share?
There are times to speak and times to hold your tongue.
There are moments when it is best to express and times for listening.
There is a way you can encourage agreement or cause a fight.
When you learn to be self aware and self respectful, you will apply it to others.
Hurting another will yield defensiveness, anger or withdrawal.
Listening to another with compassion and desire to understand yields feelings of being loved.
Taking the time to be present is comforting and helps to bring calm.
Reacting with arguments, explanations and solutions often cuts off the opportunity to change one’s mind.
Can you imagine a way to respect all differences without offending one another?
Do you see how you could listen to the other respectfully before responding with your truth?
Are you willing to consider that there is no “Right” way?
When you stand up for yourself, could you do it with respect for yourself and others?
I prefer ……….
I feel…..when you……. And I would like…..
Are you willing to consider my feelings on this issue?
Can we sit down and brainstorm creative solutions so both our needs will be met?
The creative problem-solving process involves:
- Listen respectfully to all parties, making a written note of what each one Needs.
- Then brainstorm with not criticism or judgment on any persons ideas for all needs being met.
- Item by item ask if there is any objection to each idea. (Best to have 30 or more solutions listed.)
- When the final few are left, begine to put together a plan where everyone feels their needs are honored.
- Set a date for implementation and another in a week to 30 days for evaluation of whether it worked.
- Begin the process again if it was not successful for all parties.
Blessing of assertiveness, (not aggressive and not passive!)
Betty Lue
Assertive People Do:
1. Decide what they want.
2. Decide if it is fair.
3. Ask for it clearly.
4. Are not afraid of taking risks.
5. Are calm and relaxed.
6. Express feelings openly.
7. Give and take compliments easily.
8. Accept and give fair evaluation.
Assertive People Do not:
1. Beat about the bush.
2. Go behind other people's backs.
3. Bully.
4. Call people names.
5. Bottle up their feelings.
Aids For Developing Assertiveness:
1. Models
2. Love and encouragement
3. Caring evaluation
4. A sense of values
5. A basic feeling of security
Comparing Responses
There are two primitive, adaptive, instinctive responses when encountering a problem area: 1) a desire for flight or 2) a desire to fight. We mostly experience these responses as fear or anger. Both responses are basically "back-brain" or reactive in nature. Assertiveness brings the "fore-brain" into play, bringing objectivity and "rationality".
Affirmation:
The more I respect myself, the more I respect others.
The more I respect myself, the more others respect me.
The more I respect myself, the more others respect themselves.
Therefore, I choose to respect myself more.