Usually we learn how to “love” from experiencing what our parents and family feels is loving.
If we were loved with touch, we believe touch is love.
If we were loved with affirming words, we believe in loving with words.
If we believe love is quality time or gifts or being helpful, we usually believe what we were taught with our parents, thoughts, and words and behavior.
Some were loved with discipline.
Some were loved with punishments.
Some were loved with arguments.
Some were loved with denial or neglect.
Some were loved with separation.
Some were loved with demands and threats.
Some were loved with unimaginable abuse.
That word LOVE is perceived and believed in so many ways.
Our Loving God was also described as a fearsome God, an angry God, a punishing God.
So some grow up believing that Love is scary or judging or punitive or withholding.
And many believe unconditional love is distant, detached and only for special ones.
People usually love others in the ways they have been loved.
And so the form of ” loving” may not fit with what society believes.
If you have been teased or tickled, you probably tease or tickle.
If you have been restricted or distrusted, you may restrict and distrust, both yourself and others.
It requires a willingness to forgive, erase and undo the past, to choose again for a better way.
We must recognize what didn’t work to consciously experiment with ways that work.
If you didn’t have a relationship that was safe and kind and respectful, you may not know how.
If you don’t have knowledge of a better way, you probably will continue with what is familiar.
We are in a new time and a new culture with new conditions that require new forms of loving.
When we choose the “Golden Rule” of treating others as you want to be treated, we must ask ourselves how we wish to be loved.
When we love our children and parents, friends and strangers, we can consciously choose our way of loving.
What is highest and best, most helpful and inspiring, most beneficial for all, will be our choice.
With conscious choice and unlimited possibility in the variety of forms of love, we must listen within for what will be received as love..
We have an opportunity to forgive the past and listen for what will be most healing and growthful.
We can choose what is a gift to ourselves, a blessing to others, an example for others to follow.
Or we can be unconscious in our choices and act out what used to be and no longer works.
When we are not giving our best, we may make faulty choices.
When we make assumptions about what others may need, we may be mistaken.
When we give others what they give to us, we may miss the mark.
When we blame and create more guilt and fear, we may limit the path of Love.
Now we can forgive it all.
Now we can choose again.
Now we can apologize.
Now we can give Authentic Love that never ends.
Loving you always, no matter what.
Betty Lue