Sounds easy, but is actually is quite confusing to both helper and one seeking help.
And More details for success than I have written here!
When you want help:
*Ask yourself what you really need and listen within.
*Ask your inner Self (guides) from whom you best can ask.
*Ask your Self what will be of greatest value to you.
*Ask for it from someone whom you know is able to give it.
*Be very clear about exactly what you want.
(Help me get clear, help me financially, help me with just listening, help me with your best advice, etc)
*Be respectful of the others’ time and energy.
(Ask for specific time to make your request.)
*Choose the most effective way, timing and request for the one from whom you are asking.
( In person, by letter or email, by appointment, through another person)
*Be grateful for what is given using the most respectful communication and ettiquette
(Please, thanks, and even note followup.)
*If you want help, it is your responsibility to set up the conditions to most likely receive it.
*When you feel unworthy or guilty, you will set up circumstances to not receive what you want.
Begin with forgiving your thoughts and feelings of neediness.
Choose to requesting support or encouragement or inspiration from the other.
*Offer what feels good to you as gratitude.
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When you are asked for Help:
*Set a confidential time to clarify the request.
*Determine what is the perceived need.
*Ask what other avenues have been pursued if appropriate.
*Wait before jumping in to say “YES”, and listen within.
Help is not always helpful.
It can lead to dependency.
It can disempower the other.
It can be detrimental to one or both parties.
It may be a false request.
What is requested may not always be what is needed.
Teach always, before providing the answers.
Listen and seek to understand.
When you are not peaceful inside about your choice to help, it is not truly helpful.
*Always listen within to see if what you are giving is given with gratitude, respect and encouragement.
*Give to the dignity of the other, rather than their “neediness”.
*Give to what inspires both of you.
Giving because you feel sorry does not support their self respect, determination and self worth.
Giving when you want them go away or stop whining only teaches them to be needy and whine more.
*Ask what your helping will reinforce, teach and encourage.
*Always encourage the other to be clear, respectful of themselves and their helpers and supporters.
TRUE HELPING IS REALLY SERVING WHAT IS GOOD, HEALING AND INSPIRING FOR EVERYONE.
Loving us all as we receive what we give and recognize we are really giving to the One, to ourselves.
Betty Lue
Helping, Fixing, Serving
--by Rachel Remen (May 29, 2000)
Service is not the same as helping.
Helping is based on inequality, it's not a relationship between equals. When you help, you use your own strength to help someone with less strength. It's a one up, one down relationship, and people feel this inequality. When we help, we may inadvertently take away more than we give, diminishing the person's sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
Now, when I help I am very aware of my own strength, but we don't serve with our strength, we serve with ourselves. We draw from all our experiences: our wounds serve, our limitations serve, even our darkness serves. The wholeness in us serves the wholeness in the other, and the wholeness in life. Helping incurs debt: when you help someone, they owe you. But service is mutual. When I help I have a feeling of satisfaction, but when I serve I have a feeling of gratitude.
Serving is also different from fixing. We fix broken pipes, we don't fix people. When I set about fixing another person, it's because I see them as broken. Fixing is a form of judgment that separates us from one another; it creates a distance.
So, fundamentally, helping, fixing and serving are ways of seeing life. When you help, you see life as weak; when you fix, you see life as broken; and when you serve, you see life as whole.
When we serve in this way, we understand that this person's suffering is also my suffering, that their joy is also my joy and then the impulse to serve arises naturally - our natural wisdom and compassion presents itself quite simply. A server knows that they're being used and has the willingness to be used in the service of something greater.
We may help or fix many things in our lives, but when we serve, we are always in the service of wholeness.
--Rachel Remen, from Zen Hospice