Five grandchildren = 3 -5 yr old girls (Sofie, Lila and Harper), 1-4 yr. old boy (Beckett) and 12 yr old Gia.
When you are doing what you enjoy, time flies.
When you are overdoing what you love, you may get tired.
When you are neglecting doing what you enjoy, you may feel deprived.
When you are doing what others enjoy and not what you enjoy, you may feel resentful.
Sometimes we do for others, but neglect ourselves thinking, we are being helpful.
However, when we have denied ourselves, we may think others will do for us.
When we are not meeting our own needs and expecting others to do for us, we usually are mistaken.
To better serve others we must serve ourselves first.
What is best for us is best for others.
This means we must take impeccable care of our whole selves in order to give our best to others.
When we take care of ourselves to the exclusion of others, we are selfish and will neglect others.
When we take care of others to the exclusion of ourselves, we are martyring and sacrificing.
Selfish behavior teaches selfishness and yields separation and lack of love.
Martyrdom and sacrifice often yields covert hostility and guilt for those receiving.
Both create feelings of inequality and lack of connection and cooperation.
More mature beings learn to forgive inappropriate behavior, giving and receiving only with gratitude.
When I find myself giving too much, I step away and listen within.
When I find I am neglecting myself, I stop and fill my own needs.
When I notice others being denied the opportunity to help, I request their cooperation.
When I want to do something I enjoy, I ask others to join me…but only if they want.
So here I am learning how to respond only with love.
When I catch the slightest reactivity, it may mean I am off purpose.
When my body hurts, it may mean I am using it without love.
When I feel tired, it many mean I have given too much.
Every moment is an opportunity to refine our choices.
As we evolve spiritually, we become more aware of when we are off purpose.
As we become more sensitive, we are called to choose again.
When we judge others or ourselves in feeling hurt, tired, neglected, etc., we get stuck in negative patterns.
It is vital that we forgive every misstep and choose again quickly and easily.
It is valuable to stay aware of our need to take impeccable care of our whole being.
It is essential to live in integrity with our higher purpose and consistently honor ourselves.
Life is fun, safe and easy when we remember to remember.
And so it is, we learn and grow and come to know perfect Love.
Betty Lue
Ten Commandments of Relationships
With mates, partners, friends, children, co-workers, etc.
Keep your agreements faithfully.
Communicate changes honestly and immediately.
Give more than you expect to receive. Do more than your “fair” share.
Receive everything with open appreciation.Express your thanks sincerely and take nothing for granted.
Live your own life in integrity and on purpose.
Clarify, communicate and live your mission, your path, your principles and values.
Be responsible for yourself, your work and live your life impeccably. Don’t expect others to pick up after you or take care of you.
Stop using, blame, criticism or guilt to control or manipulate.
Stop making demands, threats or using neediness to get your way.
Communicate effectively and respectfully.Request a time and place and tone of voice that works for both parties.
Be your best self in all circumstances.Focus always on teaching by example.
Apologize immediately when you forget or neglect.
Use your time together wisely.Focus on meaningful, positive and inspiring conversation and activities.
Spend time, money and resources only on what you value and want to increase.Waste nothing in your relationship.
No arguing, pettiness, emotional dumping or negativity.
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There are many more agreements which I encourage you and your partner to write together.
I encourage all parties to take time to re-evaluate your agreements monthly or on a regular basis.
As circumstances change, there is a need to re-commit to what works for all participants.
Families need to meet to look at the specific needs of each individual to be at their best.
Couples need to ensure that the relationship is “serving all parties.”
Business partners need to return to their original agreement and consider changing roles as needed.
Life requires that we be in relationship.
With respect for ourselves and each other there is open communication.
With responsibility for the quality of our relationships, there is a willingness to seek what works for all.
With cooperation there is encouragement to listen for ways to serve the needs of everyone.
When everyone WINS, the relationships are harmonious, peaceful and enjoyable.
Betty Lue Lieber, PhD. MFT 2010