Did you know we all see differently?
Did you know perceptions are not facts?
Did you know our senses are influenced by our beliefs?
Did you know that what you believe you will see?
I find it fascinating that we each see colors and smell scents and perceive behaviors differently.
The best we can do is listen with an intention to understand what is “true” for one another.
It is important to be selective in what we remember, believe and perceive.
It is imperative that we recognize we are creating our experiences and how we respond to them.
People argue, fight and even divorce and go to war because they see things differently.
People are stubborn and even righteous in making others wrong because they believe they are Right!
When we are attached to being right, we will do everything we can to convince the other.
We accuse our children and partners of being “liers” because they see things differently.
When we KNOW we are RIGHT, according to our beliefs and perceptions, we seek agreement.
We defend ourselves with attacks and accusations, defensiveness and anger.
When we have decided what is right for us, we may seek authority figures or research for “”proof”.
There is no room for questioning or even recognizing differences in values, beliefs and perceptions.
Relationships are weakened or even destroyed with conflict.
People isolate or even attack others to validate their viewpoint.
Nations go to war over disagreements in interpretations.
Family members become estranged when they cannot resolve difference.
To find inner peace, we must be willing to lay aside our differences.
To return to love, we must forgive our own stubborn and righteous ways.
To heal the hurt, we must release our attachment to past conflicts.
To be free, we can undo our misperceptions and be willing to see things differently.
What will it take to heal humanity?
What will it take to lay down our attack thoughts, words and behaviors?
What will it take to undo our distorted perceptions?
What will it take for us to “Choose peace instead of conflict?”
Each one of us can choose to see things differently?
We can choose to forgive all past disagreements.
We can be the one who endeavors to see things from the other’s point of view.
We can be big enough and love enough to erase what was and choose again for Love today.
Encouraging all of us to grow up, be present and give more trust and freedom to everyone.
Betty Lue
Ten Commandments of Relationships
With mates, partners, friends, children, co-workers, etc.
Keep your agreements faithfully.
Communicate changes honestly and immediately.
Give more than you expect to receive. Do more than your “fair” share.
Receive everything with open appreciation.Express your thanks sincerely and take nothing for granted.
Live your own life in integrity and on purpose.
Clarify, communicate and live your mission, your path, your principles and values.
Be responsible for yourself, your work and live your life impeccably. Don’t expect others to pick up after you or take care of you.
Stop using, blame, criticism or guilt to control or manipulate.
Stop making demands, threats or using neediness to get your way.
Communicate effectively and respectfully.Request a time and place and tone of voice that works for both parties.
Be your best self in all circumstances.Focus always on teaching by example.
Apologize immediately when you forget or neglect.
Use your time together wisely.Focus on meaningful, positive and inspiring conversation and activities.
Spend time, money and resources only on what you value and want to increase.Waste nothing in your relationship.
No arguing, pettiness, emotional dumping or negativity.
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There are many more agreements which I encourage you and your partner to write together.
I encourage all parties to take time to re-evaluate your agreements monthly or on a regular basis.
As circumstances change, there is a need to re-commit to what works for all participants.
Families need to meet to look at the specific needs of each individual to be at their best.
Couples need to ensure that the relationship is “serving all parties.
Business partners need to return to their original agreement and consider changing roles as needed.
Life requires that we be in relationship.
With respect for ourselves and each other there is open communication.
With responsibility for the quality of our relationships, there is a willingness to seek what works for all.
With cooperation there is encouragement to listen for ways to serve the needs of everyone.
When everyone WINS, the relationships are harmonious, peaceful and enjoyable.
Betty Lue Lieber, PhD. MFT 2010