Thursday, April 06, 2017


I choose to relate with patience and conpassion.
I take care of my own needs first.
I trust that everyone deserves my best.
I listen, learn and respond with kindness.

Relating Well

Do you know how to have healthy happy relationships?
It will be 32 years on April 10 relating to my husband without an argument or fight!
Can everyone learn to relate with trust, open-mindedness and respect?
What do you need to not fight with another person?

You must want to learn, heal and grow together in trust.
You must desire to support each other in living your best.
You need an example  (childhood) which showed you how to live in harmony.
You need to care about each other.
You need to want to learn a better way.
You need to forgive quickly.
You need to want to improve your relationship.

There are many ingredients of a positive powerful, helpful and growing relationship.
You can create this with children and family, friends and coworkers.
You can communicate in ways that don’t project blame and guilt, fear and anger on others.
You can begin to see your communications as opportunities to listen to yourself.

Relationships which have no goal often become complex and confusing.
Relationships which have not guidelines or ethics have no guiding principles.
Relationships which are not respectful and confidential  take sides with others.
Relationships which are competitive or try to make others wrong are hurtful.

Where there are tears and fears, threats and demands, there is no consideration.
Where there is shaming and blaming, pushing and punishing, there is no respect.
When people want to relate well, they must manage their own emotions first.
When people have a desire for harmony\ and cooperation, they must agree on their goal.

Relationships are based on mutual love and respect.
Relationships which are based on unconditional love, establish trust and freedom
Relationships which are conscious, healing with teaching and learning, communicate with honesty.
Relationships that are lasting and loving, offer commitment, equality and responsibility

Consider whether you have a good relationship with yourself.
Are you constantly learning and growing with patience and kindness?
Are you open to honestly love yourself as you learn to trust and respect you?
Everyone is showing themselves and others their own healing needs.

There are many qualities of helpful, harmonious relationships to be discovered.
Begin to look at all you relate to as teachers, learners and helpful healing agents.
Make no assumptions, take nothing personally, always give your best, and be impeccable with words.
You can learn from everyone how to relate well.

Life is always teaching us.
You can find my Relationship Reminders book on Amazon
Loving you.

Some tips:

Unhealthy Communication Habits
Do Not:
Interrupt or chime in without receiving permission.
Judge what others are saying.
Believe your ideas are more important.
Disagree or correct what others are saying.

Toxic thoughts, words and actions must be dumped in safe ways.
Never puke and poop on people.
What is hurtful and makes us sick must be released in private dumping grounds.
Learn to flush the toilet, write it and burn it, let it go to do no harm.

Most Destructive Blocks to Healthy Communication
1) Nagging and Criticism (Use constructive requests and be specific.)
2) Defensiveness (Listen and make no excuses.)
3) Contempt with Name-Calling, Belittling and Shaming (No using guilt or blame.)
4) Stone-Walling, Ignoring and silent treatment  (Talk or write when calm.)
5) Belligerence, Threatening, Demanding  
(Forgive yourself for using power to get your way.)
Successful Communication Keys:
Calm tone of voice and be on the same level.
Ask permission to speak
Tune in to where they are with desire to understand.
Give what will create the greatest safety and respect.
Talk with kindness and in private.
Step away until both parties are calm.  Use time-outs as needed.
Defuse the stress, urgency and upset, before attempting to talk.
Be clear when you don’t have time or patience to listen.
Write communication to avoid confrontations and arguments.
Allow all parties time to think about their needs and possible equitable solutions.
Encourage using “I feel….., I want…… and I am willing………
Seek cooperative agreement, rather than punishment, threat or demand.
Open your heart to understand (“Walk in their shoes”)
Choose an outcome where everyone wins.

Keys to Successful Relationships (Constructive choices)
Join with Love and Respect-Create a common vision or shared goal.
Honesty with compassion and kindness- Communicate your highest intention.
Equality in Realizing the Good in All-Each give the best they know in each moment.
Commitment to Healing and Wholeness- Agree to what is highest and best for both.
Responsibility- Respond to everything with forgiveness and peace.
Listen without guilt or blame. Be willing to let go and choose again for Love.

Healthy Habits
Listen with an open and quiet mind.
Wait your turn to speak.
Appreciate what others say.
Honor all differences.
Respect everyone’s communication.
Seek to understand before being understood.
Put first things first.
Happy Relationships before being Right!