Tuesday, December 31, 2013

What Do You Call Love?

(These affirmations are for all of us, if you choose to use them, to clear the blocks to your awareness of the Love within You!)
What I seek, I AM.
What I Am, I give.
What I give, I have.
What I have, I AM.
Love is the Truth of  What I AM.
I Am Love, created by Love, for the sole purpose of Loving.  (And so are YOU!)

Do you see Love as demand and threat?
You better do it or else……If you are going to treat me this way, I will leave…….or hurt you……
When functioning at this survival level of loving, people believe love is showing obedience and respect.
They often use intimidation to get their needs met, thinking this is being loved by the other.

Do you see Love as duty and obligation?
I really need you to love me because you are family. If you truly loved me, you would…….
 Look at how much I have done for you.  Can’t you do this for me?
When believing in this type of bartering, often sacrifice and martyrdom, co dependence occurs.
They often stay together because there is neediness and dependency and guilt to bind the relationship.

Do you believe Love is romance and passion?
I am so in love with you.  I cannot imagine being happy without you in my life!
You make me feel so good and alive and strong and beautiful.
This way of loving is temporary and loses its energy if the other is sick, doesn’t feel at their best, or the excitement wears out. 
They often keep trying new ways to keep the passion and intimacy alive.

The concept of falling out of love is really “I no longer love myself when I am in your presence.”
This usually arises when one feels guilty or resentful for how they cannot forgive  the past and love again.
Often people criticize and judge, hurt and feel hurt, resent and demand, expect and feel cheated.
Often people do not allow others to have different values, needs, expressions and behaviors.

These are often  the fantasized expectations of love: 
When we love, we will make the other happy.
When we love, they will make us happy.
When we love, we will get what we want.
When we love, they will always be there for and with us.
When we love, we will never lose our desire to be with them.
When we love, we will think, speak and behave with respect.
When we love, we will put the other first.
When we love, we can count on the other to be at their best.
When we love, they will make us feel like the best.
Etc. Etc. Etc.

Make a list of your own expectations. 
You will see how and why your immature beliefs about Love may hurt.

A highest level of Love is freeing and trusting.
Love is trust and freedom.
Love is not distrust and restriction.
Love is not doubting and questioning, limiting and denying.
Love, the most inspired and conscious Love, is allowing each person to live their Truth and Purpose.

Love is encouraging those you love to do  and be what brings them happiness and peace.
Love is honoring the best in every way without restricting them to do for you.
Love is giving for the pure joy of giving. without expectation and hesitation.
Love is trusting yourself to be free to follow your heart with your own values and inner guidance.

Unconditional Love is often most experienced with our children, and this is indeed what True Love is.
Love that lasts beyond all things is patient and kind.
Love that is Divine is pure and without needs and restrictions.
Love that is eternal has no barriers, no limitation and is steadfast and true.

When we can love ourselves unconditionally, we will easily love others as they are as well.
When we can give to others unconditionally, we will trust ourselves and free ourselves and others.
When we can be the safe and loving, trusting and freeing place, we are at peace.
As we come to know Love is our natural state, we learn to forgive and free ourselves to love no matter what!

I am loving you always in every way I am aware.
My Joy lies in always being in Love and sharing the Love I AM,
Betty Lue

“Love me without fear. 
Trust me without questioning. 
Need me without demanding. 
Want me without restrictions. 
Accept me without change. 
Desire me without inhibitions. 
For a love so free . . . Will never fly away.”

The 5 Languages of Fear
The 5 Calls for Love
An intuitive look at some possible explanations for unacceptable behavior. According to A Course in Miracles, everything is either a gift of love or a call for love. The 5 Languages of Love (Dr. Gary Chapman) teach us more about how to effectively give and receive the gifts of love, but what about responding to the calls for love? The answer is always to “give love”, but that is only possible after we have stopped reacting to the call as a personal attack. The first step is awareness.
Awareness with love is healing.
When people are in fear or pain (and needing love), they are not always sensitive, aware, articulate, considerate or even caring. They will either see you as the cause of their current dilemma or just a handy (loving) person they can strike out at so they won’t be alone in their misery. They will either deprive you of what they know you value most or what they, themselves, value most.

Here are 5 possible disguises of the call for love.
1.    The Put-Down—This includes complaining, anger, blame, guilt, insults, destructive words. If Words of Affirmation are a primary love language for you, hearing someone else’s pain directed at you can be especially hurtful.
2.    The Cold Shoulder—This includes being pre-occupied, too busy, multi-tasking, distracted, walking away, ignoring, threatening to leave or end the relationship, shutting you out. If Quality Time is a primary love language for you, being left alone or abandoned can be devastating.
3.    The Take-Away—This includes taking or breaking things, stealing, constantly saying “We can’t afford it”, not giving or sharing, being selfish. If Receiving Gifts is a primary love language for you, being deprived will be hurtful way out of proportion to the value of the actual gift itself.
4.    The Complication—This includes forgetting to do things, being too busy to help out, refusing to help out, being destructive, making messes, causing problems, adding complications and making more work. If Acts of Service are a primary love language for you, the burden of having to do more or do it all yourself leaves you feeling hurt and resentful.
5.    The Hurt—This includes hitting, hurting, outside affairs and cheating, withholding/denying touch and affection, and all acts of physical violence. If Physical Touch is a primary love language for you, either destructive touching or touch deprivation can cause you to emotionally wither and want to withdraw from the world.

Keys to responding with love:
1.    Don’t take it personally. It’s not about you. It’s about them. If you take it personally, they may think it actually is about you and fail to (eventually) take responsibility for their condition.
2.    Take care of yourself. You may need to actually remove yourself from the situation in order to stop getting hurt and to get clear. If you let them hurt you, you create either conscious or unconscious guilt on their part, which will cause them to either attack more vigorously or withdraw completely.
3.    Listen within for guidance. Once you can bring yourself to peace and neutrality, listen to your heart about how to respond. This is clearly a call for love. What does the other person actually need or want? What will be the most helpful and the most easily received by them. Sometimes love and forgiveness is best expressed in person and sometimes it is more effective from a distance. Do you need to speak, write, think, pray, act?
4.    Do what you hear and trust it is good. Get on with your life and keep loving yourself so you can continue to love others.
Robert Waldon, Feb. 2012

The 5 Love Languages

What if you could say or do just the right thing guaranteed to make that special someone feel loved? The secret is learning the right love language! Millions of couples have learned the simple way to express their feelings and bring joy back into marriage: The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman’s New York Times bestseller!
Words of Affirmation —Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time —In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts —Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service —Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch —This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.