Thursday, September 26, 2013

Love Languages for Children and Adults

I love others exactly the way others want to feel loved.
The more I treat myself with appreciation, respect and kindness, the more I am able to love others well.
Love is the energy, blessing, encouragement and trust I offer everyone.
I choose to love no matter what.

Read the book. 
Take the assessment on line.
See the synthesis of info below.

The most effective way I know to transform a relationship is to RETURN TO LOVE!
It seems we are giving others what they don’t want, don’t need or don’t value.
When we throw away what we want to be a gift of kindness and love, we need to re-evaluate.
Is what I give being appreciated, respected and valued?

Often couples are giving what they want to receive!  
Rarely do two people value the same Love languages.
One may want and give affection while the other simply wants acts of service or help.
When each party continues to give more without receiving gratitude in return, they may be resentful.

With children who need something different as their love language, parents may miss the mark.
Giving all children the same, will likely not suit each child as was intended.
Often children in the same family need something different from one another.
To learn what each child wants and needs, values and appreciates, use the assessment tool online.

Love works.
Love heals.
Love encourages.
Love inspires.
Love connects.
Love harmonizes.
Love motivates.
Love offers peace.
Love creates happiness.

When a child knows they are loved, they are more confident and caring.
When a child knows they are loved, they are more able and willing to be responsible and cooperative.
When a child knows they are loved, they love, trust and respect themselves more.
When a child knows they are loved, they are better at loving others with sensitivity and respect.

When adults know they are loved, they are more confident and caring.
When adults know they are loved, they are more able, willing and open to be helpful and kind.
When adults know they are loved, they are more responsible and cooperative.
When adults know they are loved, they are more productive and successful in life.

Consider giving others what they want to know they are loved.
Consider sharing with family members all the different ways to love one another.
Consider actively and consciously giving and receive love languages that work for each one.
Love works for the highest good of everyone all the time.

Loving you in the best ways I know….
1.     Quality time with you while I am writing and thinking of you.

2.     Affirming positive and encouraging words I share here.

3.     Touching your heart and mind with the Love I have for you.

4.     Serving you with the help I know some want and value.

5.     This gift given joyfully to those who seek Loving Reminders, plus online workshops and talks.

Betty Lue seeks only to love each one in the way that is right and true for you.
Loving You, 
Betty Lue

The 5 Love Languages 
What if you could say or do just the right thing guaranteed to make that special someone feel loved? The secret is learning the right love language! Millions of couples have learned the simple way to express their feelings and bring joy back into marriage: The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman’s New York Times bestseller!
Words of Affirmation Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

The 5 Languages of Fear
The 5 Calls for Love
An intuitive look at some possible explanations for unacceptable behavior. According to A Course in Miracles, everything is either a gift of love or a call for love. The 5 Languages of Love (Dr. Gary Chapman) teach us more about how to effectively give and receive the gifts of love, but what about responding to the calls for love? The answer is always to “give love”, but that is only possible after we have stopped reacting to the call as a personal attack. The first step is awareness
Awareness with love is healing.
When people are in fear or pain (and needing love), they are not always sensitive, aware, articulate, considerate or even caring. They will either see you as the cause of their current dilemma or just a handy (loving) person they can strike out at so they won’t be alone in their misery. They will either deprive you of what they know you value most or what they, themselves, value most.
Here are 5 possible disguises of the call for love.
1.    The Put-Down—This includes complaining, anger, blame, guilt, insults, destructive words. If Words of Affirmation are a primary love language for you, hearing someone else’s pain directed at you can be especially hurtful.

2.    The Cold Shoulder—This includes being pre-occupied, too busy, multi-tasking, distracted, walking away, ignoring, threatening to leave or end the relationship, shutting you out. If Quality Time is a primary love language for you, being left alone or abandoned can be devastating.

3.    The Take-Away—This includes taking or breaking things, stealing, constantly saying “We can’t afford it”, not giving or sharing, being selfish. If Receiving Gifts is a primary love language for you, being deprived will be hurtful way out of proportion to the value of the actual gift itself.

4.    The Complication—This includes forgetting to do things, being too busy to help out, refusing to help out, being destructive, making messes, causing problems, adding complications and making more work. If Acts of Service are a primary love language for you, the burden of having to do more or do it all yourself leaves you feeling hurt and resentful.

5.    The Hurt—This includes hitting, hurting, outside affairs and cheating, withholding/denying touch and affection, and all acts of physical violence. If Physical Touch is a primary love language for you, either destructive touching or touch deprivation can cause you to emotionally wither and want to withdraw from the world.

Keys to responding with love:
1.    Don’t take it personally. It’s not about you. It’s about them. If you take it personally, they may think it actually is about you and fail to (eventually) take responsibility for their condition. 

2.    Take care of yourself. You may need to actually remove yourself from the situation in order to stop getting hurt and to get clear. If you let them hurt you, you create either conscious or unconscious guilt on their part, which will cause them to either attack more vigorously or withdraw completely.

3.    Listen within for guidance. Once you can bring yourself to peace and neutrality, listen to your heart about how to respond. This is clearly a call for love. What does the other person actually need or want? What will be the most helpful and the most easily received by them. Sometimes love and forgiveness is best expressed in person and sometimes it is more effective from a distance. Do you need to speak, write, think, pray, act?

4.    Do what you hear and trust it is good. Get on with your life and keep loving yourself so you can continue to love others.

Robert Waldon, Feb. 2012