Sunday, August 18, 2013

Are You Really a Grown Up?

I am willing to be fully responsible for my life.
I think, speak and behave as a mature adult.
I quickly release immature thoughts, words and actions.
I now choose to be the best I know how to be everyday with everyone.
I respect myself and my choice in life. 

It seems our society is encouraging dependence and immature behavior.
It seems we used to expect adults (over 21) to behave as adults.
It appears that many young adults continue adolescent behavior into their 30’s and beyond.
It seems when times were more difficult, people grew up faster and became adult earlier.

Median age for leaving parents’ home is now 26.( Used to be 18-21)
Psychological (Behavioral) age for adulthood is now 32-35. (Used to be 21-24)

What do you need to do, be and have to behave as an adult?
What are the qualities of being mature and immature?
What do you do that is still childish and adolescent?
When will you ever grow up and be responsible for your thoughts, words and behavior?

When you associate with immature people, it is more likely you act immature.
When you watch people behave in a childish way, you learn tend to emulate that behavior.
When you are needy, dependent, whining and complaining, you are behaving as a young child.
When you are afraid to be responsible, you may avoid responsible relationships and jobs.

When you think like a child, you will speak like a child.
When you talk like a child, you tend to behave as a child.
When you behave like a child, you will be treated as immature.
Is it time to grow up, to think, talk and act as an adult?

Children play “dress up” to learn how to grow up.
If kids have immature role models, they may grow up immature.
If children hear parents complaining, they learn complaining is part of adulthood.
If children see parents getting drunk, fighting and being lazy, they grow up seeing that as adult behavior.

It is time we adults, become better role models.
It is time we over age 21 start being respectful, responsible and cooperative with others.
It is time adults manage our money, our mouths and our lives.
It is time adults act like mature adults and responsibly care for the elders and children in society.

What you perceive in others, you strengthen in yourselves.
Watch and emulate those who behave in responsible ways.
Speak with respect to those you encounter, no matter how they speak to you.
Act in a way that creates cooperation rather than disharmony.

Recognize what you think and say and do is teaching your world to be like you.
Eliminate those words and behaviors that you don’t want coming back to you.
Clear you mind of complaining and demanding your needs to be met by others.
Take full responsibility for your life, physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally and financially.

The best way to learn is to accept the natural consequences of your actions.
Stop expecting others to cover for you and your mistakes.
Acknowledge every mistake, learn and forgive yourself as you choose again for a better way.
Behave in a way you would be proud of and pleased to share with the world.

Are you clear it is your time to grow up and teach others to grow up too?
No more whining and complaining, drunkenness and vulgarity.
No more abusive language or ignorant behavior, laziness and dependency.
Remember to treat others with kindness and respect, no matter what.

 I believe we can change our world one person at a time, beginning with ourselves.
This is our time….yours and mine!
Begin today.
Believing in you,
Betty Lue

Found this article on line.  It says it clear and true.  
Begin with just one at a time to change your mind, your words and behavior.

Six Aspects of Being an Adult
Living Life as an Authentic Adult
Published on June 24, 2013 by Robert Firestone, Ph.D. in The Human Experience

There are six major aspects of the adult approach to life:

1. Rationality: Adults experience their emotions, but when it comes to their actions, they make rational decisions on the basis of self-interest and moral concerns. As Murray Bowen observed, adults “are able to distinguish between the feeling process and the intellectual process…and [have] the ability to choose between having one’s functioning guided by feelings or by thoughts.” They have a strong sense of identity and strive to live with integrity, according to their own principles and values.

2. Formulating and Implementing Goals: Adults formulate goals and take the appropriate actions to achieve them. In this respect, they establish their priorities in life. In contrast, people living within a child’s frame of reference often overreact emotionally to events that are insignificant in the overall scheme of their lives, and fail to respond to events that are important or crucial to their well-being. Because adults tend to pursue their goals and priorities honestly, their actions are more likely to correspond to their words.

3. Equality in Relationships: Adults seek equality in their relationships whereas those who operate from a child’s perspective often assume the role of either the parent or the child in relation to their loved ones.  In Voice Therapy, I described how adult individuals interact in a close relationship: “People whose actions are based primarily on the adult mode relate to each other as independent individuals with considerable give and take in terms of reciprocal need gratification.”  They have developed their capacity for both giving and accepting love and do not attempt to recreate a parent in their partner by forming an imagined connection or fantasy bond with them for safety and security.

4. Active versus Passive: Adults are proactive and self-assertive, rather than passive and dependent. They don’t feel victimized by life or complain or dump their problems onto other people; instead, they face their problems or challenges directly and work out solutions rather than depending on others for direction. They seek help only in relation to what they actually need, as in areas where they lack expertise, not in relation to unresolved emotional needs from the past.

5. Non-defensiveness and Openness: People who are emotionally mature do not have defensive or angry reactions to feedback; they do not offhandedly disagree with negative commentary.  Instead they are open to exploring new ideas, welcome constructive criticism and, in this way, they expand their self-knowledge and self-awareness.
Adults seek self knowledge to know themselves and develop an accurate self-concept; they are aware of both the positive and negative aspects of their personalities and have a realistic perspective of themselves in relation to others. In their pursuit of self-knowledge, they are aware of unconscious motivation, open to the analysis of that dimension of mental life and attempt to integrate it to the best of their ability.

6. Personal Power:  People do not have control over their thoughts and feelings; these arise unbidden in the course of everyday life. However, adults take full power over every part of their conscious existence. Indeed, they change any behavior or characteristic that they dislike in themselves, such as being overweight or abusing substances.  In this sense, adults approach their lives from the standpoint of being responsible for their destiny.