Monday, May 06, 2013

Do We Know How to Relate?

When there is something not working for me, I always ask myself, “ What can I do?”
We were with the 3 Alameda grandkids Thursday through Saturday and I noticed. 
Most folks seem to busy to just sit down and talk or play a simple game or listen with full attention.
We may need to reconsider the “rules of etiquette” for our distracting, helpful, entertaining technology??

Affirmation: All that I give is given to myself.
I now give the full loving attention and respect I deserve to everyone.

Do We Know How to Relate?

The usual conversation between two people no longer seems healthy or helpful to me.
Usually people are busy and moving on to another place or activity to pay attention.
Often people are distracted by phone calls or texts, or their own preoccupation. 
The television or computer screen is often on and requiring attention.

Attention seems to be placed on everything (ADD) and rarely on one conversation at a time.
Young adults are having difficulty with job interviews, because they are unfamiliar with how to relate.
Respectful relationships require full attention on listening without distraction and responding easily.
Real relationships are those that demonstrate we really care about what the other person has to say.

Recently at little kids softball game and practice, most parents were using cell phones to text and talk.
In classrooms, young children often are trying to get attention from the teacher all at once.
People of all ages seem to like everything turned on and going, everything loud and stimulating.
Strong language is used commonly and intense feelings are expressed with harsh words and sounds.

Are we unconsciously promoting relationships that are not really focused or really present?
Perhaps we are engaged in a competition for the loudest and strongest and most extreme behaviors.
Are you naming a condition of ADD, ADHE and even autism, because over stimulation is too much.
While this can be a theory right now, you may want to ask what you can do to remember how to relate.

I prefer total focus on one person at a time, with no distraction.
I feel like I am cheating both myself and the other when there are competing and distracting energies.
I usually create scheduled time to talk in person, on the phone and skype to eliminate these distractions.
I would rather have the opportunity to really be with you than divert my attention when with you.

Life really is about relating.
In relationships I perceive how I treat myself.
In relationships I reveal what needs to be healed.
In relationships I can see what is missing and needs to be filled.

In relationships there is much wisdom to be gained.
In relationships there is love to be claimed.
In relationships there are gifts to be given and received.
In relationships there are opportunities to hear what everyone believes.

Every relationship is for the purpose of healing all lack of Love.
All relationships are for giving and receiving the gifts we have to share.
Every relationship is an opportunity to dare to really care.
All our relationships show us the way to abundantly live and joyfully give.

Consider giving everyone your full attention.
Consider turning off your phone and TV when you converse with anyone.
Consider answering the phone when you can fully pay attention.
Consider not interrupting your conversations without the permission of the other.
Consider giving your active listening and interest when others speak to you.
Consider always and only giving your best to each person you encounter.
Consider taking the time to really be present without distraction for children and elders.
Consider how to create world where folks really care and share their best.

I Am.
Always wanting private conversations, where I can listen without distraction.
Betty LUe
Keys to Successful Relationships 
 Joining-Create a common vision or shared goal.

Honesty- Communicate your true intention without secrets or withholds.

Equality-Each is giving the best they know in each moment.

Commitment- Agree to what is highest and best for both parties.

Responsibility- Be able and willing to respond consciously to all relationship needs without guilt or blame. Be respectful and forgiving of mistakes made.

Successful Relationships

To have successful relationships with partners, spouse, coworkers, teammates, children there are five essential factors: Joining, Honesty, Equality, Commitment, Responsibility.

Joining: All parties must share a common goal or vision for their relationship. This shared vision comes from communication regarding the needs of each individual, their vision for the future and what they share in common.

Honesty: Honest communication is sharing what really matters with no blame, guilt or withholds.
Honest is a byproduct of integrity, living one’s life on purpose with openness and appreciation.

Equality: When both parties are giving their best in each moment, there is equality.  Equality is not measured by comparison: it is experienced when there is the willingness to give one’s best even when it is less than the other.  To quit or hold back on one’s giving creates inequality.

Commitment: To commit to the fulfillment of the desired vision or goal and to the success of the relationship requires always choosing what is best for both.  Decisions are based on what is a win/win for all concerned.  One must be committed to what is highest and best for each party.

Responsibility: Being fully able and willing to respond to whatever is needed to create success through joining, honesty, equality and commitment is being fully responsible.  Where there is guilt or blame being communicated, there is inequality and victimization as well as lack of responsibility.

To be successful requires staying conscious.
To be successful requires a willingness to communicate with respect.
To be successful requires an acceptance of differences.
To be successful requires open-minded and appreciation of all parties.

To take on unconscious patterns of dysfunctional family systems will limit the success of one’s joining, honest communication, true willingness to give., total commitment to what is best for all and assuming full responsibility for the quality of the relationship.

If you want success and fulfillment in your relationships, begin today to observe what you can do to improve them in every way.  You need not depend upon the other changing in order to increase the quality of your relating.

Blessings for choosing a better way,
Betty Lue