Sunday, April 07, 2013

No More Dependency

No more neediness.
No more attachment.
No more leaning.
No more trying.

What?  Isn’t this this basis of all our relationships and life itself?
When we depend on what is always changing, we may be surprised, disappointed and hurt.
When we need people to be consistent in their behavior and choices, we will feel betrayed.
When we expect others give us always their best and be dependable, we may be blind-sided.

When we are children, we need to be provided for.
When we are children, we need to attach to someone.
When we are children, we need to lean on others.
When we are children, we need to try in order to learn.

When we are adult, we must depend on ourselves.
When we are mature, we are attached to being our best.
When we are wise, we lean on our faith, our ethics and our values.
When we are grown up, we know that trying may be our excuse for not being accountable.

Adolescence seems to be a stage in which we waver back and forth depending on our whim.
In adolescence, we may expect adult privileges, but take on only childhood responsibilities.
In adolescence, we may expect to “get” our needs met, but slack off on keeping our agreements.
In adolescence, we may give many excuses for not  behaving as a responsible adult, and lean on others.

We will consistently be hurt by believing we can count on others, when we cannot count on ourselves.
We can realize how dependent we are by experiencing our erratic emotional state.
We see how much effort we put into making others fit our expectations, but are unreliable ourselves.
We learn that depending on others to fulfill our needs when they cannot fill their own is foolish.

Life is a learning university.
In every relationship, we recognize how little control we have over another’s behavior and choices.
In every relationship, we understand we are depending on something that is not dependable.
In every relationship, we learn not to depend on consistency, reliability and accountability.

People will do what they know and trust and are willing to do in each moment.
People will give us what they can count on within themselves, depending on their state .
People may be childish and dependent, adolescent and ambivalent or adult and accountable.
People may remain dependent or ambivalent their entire lives and we are foolish to believe otherwise.

We must learn to count on ourselves.
We must be willing to become responsible, accountable and dependable to ourselves.
We must choose to love, trust, respect and appreciate ourselves.
We must be the ones to give our best to and for ourselves everyday in everyway.

Loving you and me as we learn to be what we seek for ourselves, 
Betty Lue

Is it time for you to grow up and be responsible for your thoughts and feelings, for your choices and commitments?
Is it time for you to stop blaming others and being a victim and simply choose for what is best and right for you?
Is it time for you to stop depending and pretending you are incapable and unwilling to be wholly responsible?
Is it time for you to take care of your well-being by making always and only Good choices for your Highest Good?
It is time!

Affirmations for Self Healing  
by Betty Lue Lieber, MFT, Ph.D.
Letting go is fun, safe and easy.
I now easily bless and release all that no longer serves me.
I forgive with ease and let go with gratitude.
Everyone and everything is either giving love or calling for Love.
I am a Love giver.
The more I give Love, the more I have the Love I want.
Light, light, I want more light.
I choose to live with joy and give with gratitude.
I love my life and it loves me.
I have what I want and share the best I have.
Life works for me.
I am the chooser, never a loser.
Everything always works more exquisitely than I can plan.
I am clear, focused and committed.
I consciously communicate exactly what I want.
I trust in my inner knowing, always gentle, loving and true.
I let go of expectations, evaluations and disappointments.
I am creating a world of healing and love one person at a time.
The more I love and respect myself, the more others love and respect me.
The more I love and respect myself, the more I love and respect others.
The more I love and respect myself, the more others love and respect themselves.
I give myself the very best and all are blessed.
I am present, peaceful, awake and aware.
I share only the highest Truth I know and then I let go.
My happiness is contagious.
I replace all worry, fear and doubt with trust, freedom and blessing.
Peace and love and joy heal us All.
My body is a vehicle for learning only Love is Real. 

Useful suggestions for applying the technique of Autosuggestion to the Affirmations
Write each affirmation 10 to 20 times. 
Writing is an extremely powerful technique of autosuggestion.
 Work with one or more every day. Good times are just before sleeping, before starting the day and especially whenever you feel at effect.  
They can also be recorded on cassette tape and played back to yourself. 
The best way to do that is by recording each affirmation 5 or 10 times so that you have time to think about them when they are playing.
Make a list of the affirmations that are most meaningful to you.
Put specific names and situations into the affirmations.
Play with the vocabulary in the affirmation--make it personal and meaningful to  yourself.
Say the affirmations to yourself in the first, second and third persons as follows:  
I,  (name), now like myself.  You, (name), now like yourself.   Name, now likes him/herself. 
 Feel free to invent new ones.
 Continue working with them daily until they become totally integrated into your consciousness.
To dissolve negative mental patterns and free maximum aliveness in your consciousness, write each affirmation in order 10 or 20 times.  
Note the ones that are most meaningful or produce the greatest charge.  
Continue working with these until they go flat.  
When they go flat, you are at total cause and master of the results implied by the affirmations.