I see what happens when someone feels unloved.
I get what happens when people feel loved with conditions and expectations.
I observe how families use love to bribe and withhold love as punishment.
I wonder what miracles could come from perfect love with no conditions.
People who know they are perfectly loved are naturally peaceful and happy.
People who know they are love unconditionally are creative and inspired.
People who have been loved intermittently, are insecure and doubt themselves.
People who are loved with conditions and expectations, may be cautious, resistant or challenging.
These beliefs come from our early childhood, usually the first year from conception to age One.
If Mom was fully present, engaged and consistently loving and nurturing, you feel are secure.
If Mom was intermittently present, pre-occupied or unavailable, you feel unsure or distrusting.
Ideally mothers are always loving, but sometimes they are ill, in pain, or emotionally or physically absent.
When there is inadequate or lack of bonding between parent and child, there is an unmet need.
When we need someone to be there for us and there is no one, we are left feeling bereft or unworthy.
When we do not have what we need as children, we often make up the reasons and are confused.
When we do not experience the love we want, we may be sad, rebellious, sick, detached or afraid.
These patterns usually continue into adulthood.
We keep seeking the love we want and need to feel whole.
We often look for love in all the wrong places and have the same wounding experience.
We may give up on getting love and believe we are flawed, unworthy, disabled or bad.
I notice that these patterns of abandonment or rejection reoccur in family systems.
When we have been separated from our parents we continue patterns of separation with others.
When we have been conditionally loved, we tend to love others with conditions.
When we could not trust our parents to be there for us, we have difficulty trusting others.
There is no one and nothing to blame or feel guilty about.
There is everything that calls for awareness with love and forgiveness.
Healing these unconscious patterns come with a willingness to erase and undo the patterns.
This healing comes from willingness to forgive and the choice to love again.
Human beings are inconsistent and change in personality moods and ability to be present.
War, illness, work, depression, shame, anger, insecurity etc often make parents unable to be there.
Unconscious repetitive patterns show up generation after generation until we stop the pattern.
We are the generation that stops what is not helpful or healthy.
You and I can make a promise to ourselves to forgive the mistakes of the past.
We can forgive what was and choose again for what we want to be.
We can practice daily and moment by moment the willingness to love ourselves and others.
We can promise to never quit on love and to love no matter what.
It is my firm belief (I know) that Love, consistent unconditional Love will heal all.
With Perfect Love, hatred, fear and violence will disappear.
With Perfect Love, we will all share the best we have to give and all needs will be met.
With Perfect Love, we will discover all things feared will disappear and Love will prevail.
Loving you and me and All, no matter what.
Betty Lue
“The only mistake we ever make is when we quit on Love.”
LOVE
There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer;
No disease that enough love will not heal;
No door that enough love will not open;
No gulf that enough love will not bridge;
No wall that enough love will not throw down;
No sin that enough love will not redeem.
It makes no difference
how deeply seated may be the trouble,
How hopeless the outlook,
How muddled the tangle,
How great the mistake.
A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all.
If only you could love enough, you would be the happiest
and most powerful being in the world.
Emmet Fox