Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Families Require Loving Attention

(We are with our grandchildren this week and know what works to be happy and effective as a family.
We consistently model and experience respect, responsibility and cooperation.  Still a lot of work!)

What is needed for an effective happy family?

·     Parents who enjoy being parents.

·     Parents who are successful partners.

·     Parents committed to creating a family based on respect, responsibility and cooperation.

·     Parents who are open and willing to learn what works best for each individual in their family.

·     Parents who respect their own needs and listen to and respect the unique needs of others.

We teach children respect by being respectful of ourselves and others.
We teach children to be helpful by enjoying being helpful to others.
We teach children to be responsible by being responsible for ourselves and our possessions and home.
We teach children to be cooperative by cooperating with their requests.

We are teaching our children and our partners through our behavior more than our words.
We are teaching more by being pleased than by punishment and disapproval.
We are teaching more effectively by listening and understanding others first.
We are teaching more honestly by taking impeccable care of our own needs.

When we expect others to understand and obey us, without first respecting them, we are misguided.
When we expect children to value what we want, without valuing what they want, they will not learn. When we teach through preaching and demanding, we teach them to preach and make demands on us.
When we blame family members for making us unhappy, we teach them to blame us and each other.
When we take responsibility for our own happiness and well-being, we teach others to do the same.

When we want others’ to respect themselves, we must respect ourselves.
When we do what matters to us, we teach others to do what matters to them.
When we focus on mistakes, misbehavior and  poor manners, we increase what we focus on.
When we appreciate good behavior, good manners and apologies, we increase what we want.

Children learn from everything they see and hear their parents and adults do and say.
What they see on TV, at school and from other children also teaches them to copy.
It is wise for parents to model the behavior they want to see in their children.
It is helpful for parents to associate with people whose behavior they admire.

We are all imprinted even in infancy with the sounds and sights and experiences we have.
When we are not paying attention, we tend to repeat even the behaviors we dislike.
When we are sick, tired, in pain, or using drugs or alcohol (even prescription druge) we tend to go unconscious. (Let someone who is conscious and responsible lead the family during those times, please.)
When we erase and forgive the past, we can choose again for the behavior we prefer.
Apologizing to our children for our mistakes and misconduct teaches them to correct themselves.

Children explore and experiment with words and actions seeking to find what works.
When they get attention (even negative attention) from a behavior, they tend to try it again.
When they are ignored, distracted and encouraged to find positive attention, they will do it again.
It is essential for adults to ignore what they want to extinguish and reward what they want to encourage.

Families which share positive projects where everyone is included and affirmed influence cooperation.
Families where mealtime is shared with pleasant conversation, good manners and helpfulness, tend to develop healthy eating and happy mealtime. 
Families where people are encouraged to step away (self initiated timeout)  instead of arguing or fighting, tend to develop respect.
Families where all members share equally in cleaning and caring for the home, develop responsibility.

Begin with the end in mind.
I suggest that parents conscientiously raise children they like, enjoy and respect.
Make a clear list of the qualities you want in each other and your children.
Begin to teach them by modeling them everyday.

The family unit is what models for a child how to have a happy, healthy responsible productive life.
Appreciate your willingness to do what it takes.
Blessing us all as we contribute to what matters,
Betty Lue

Frame this and put it on you frig or mirror and read regularly.
This is how we have taught our world to condemn and fight and be fearful, etc.
This is how we can not teach our world to forgive and be patient, loving , confident, etc.

If Children (and adults) Live With……….

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with: criticism, hostility, fear, pity, ridicule or jealousy,
They will learn to: condemn, fight, be apprehensive, feel sorry for themselves, 
feel shy and feel envy.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and others.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.