Relationships are to serve the individuals within the relationship.
When we are serving the relationship to keep it together, something is going wrong.
Often we put institutions in place to serve the people.
When we find ourselves serving the institution, we are headed in the wrong direction.
Marriages are meant to support the two individuals in actualizing their potential.
Families are meant to nurture, nourish and inspire the children to grow and become independent.
Schools are meant to educate and encourage students.
Government is meant to provide all its people with the opportunities for life, liberty and happiness.
Guidelines, rules, and structure are to ensure safety, security and assurance of the fundamental purpose.
Each institution, whether marriage, government, school districts, healthy systems are for the people.
One nation under God for the Good of all.
Educational system under God for the Good of all.
Family System designated for the Good of All.
Business partnerships designed for the Good of All.
When there is imbalance, impropriety or degradation of the foundation of these institutions and dismissal of the implied agreements, there will be a rebellion or acting out by some of the people involved.
We should heed this as a warning or demonstration that something has changed and needs to be heard.
This is where the communication and realignment of the agreements needs to be addressed.
Often there is only blame, criticism, complaining, censure, correction and punishment dispensed.
To renegotiate the agreements in any relationship, there must be a return to individual purpose and relationship values.
Each person in the business, family or nation must relook (respect) there own agreements and ask whether they still work for them. When agreements do not work. We must ask what is our over-riding purpose in life and do the prior agreements still work for us. Often we are so attached to the status quo, we neglect to look again. Or we get comfortable with what has been and want to keep it in place even after its function has been served.
Our blind side is to believe we are seeing clearly when we are holding the past and the persons hostage in our judgments, fear and criticism. It is only when we have completely forgiven what was and look clearly and openly at the present that we can see what is. Yes, it is true that some people are committed to continue their same behavior….However, we need to be open to dialogue to reveal what is real and what is our projection.
The best way to renegotiate the terms of any agreement is to return to the essential needs of each party.
Ie. Our Preamble says everyone has” certain inalienable rights, that among these are the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” Marriage vows usually include “ for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish til death “. When our agreements are not true for either or both party, they need to be renegotiated.
Right now, people are waking up to what is not working.
They may rebel, leave, get angry and resentful, or act out.
It is our responsibility to listen to their fundamental needs.
We must hear them and respond with openness and willingness.
With freedom and trust, we can encourage new agreements for what is best for all involved.
Always open for your comments and beliefs,
Betty Lue
Here is someone’s relationship agreement. Write your own!!!
Your job is to create your own for your home and family, business relationships friendships and perhaps most important with yourself. When you are impeccable with your word and always give your best, you will have no regrets and no guilt and can listen to the others with an open mind and forgiving heart.
Relationship Agreements
A relationship is to serve YOU, not your relationship.
Agreement = Arrangement of a course of action.
1. We agree to have the commitment to make our relationship work.
2. We agree to do what we like to do and only what we like to do.
3. We agree to clear our space with each other, verbalize ALL our feelings and to have no withholds from each other.
a. We agree never to use the ”silent treatment”.
b. We agree to always tell the truth.
4. We agree to share our resentments and/or upsets daily with each other—at least every night before we go to sleep so that nothing will be carried over to the next day.
5. We agree to handle upsets in the following manner:
a. Before attacking the other, we agree to always go apart for a little while and see what is going on with ourselves first.
b. We agree not to interrupt each other during any exchanges.
c. We agree to continue communicating until something has been resolved that is agreeable to both of us.
6. We agree to use our relationship for the purpose of enlightenment, pleasure, joy and nourishment. This includes:
a. Emotionally supporting each other in every way.
b. Accepting each other as Divine Beings.
c. Encouraging each other’s prosperity and success.
d. Acknowledging each other frequently.
e. Avoiding setting each other up and manipulating.
f. Handling each other’s case as long as we are willing, and when not, agreeing to consult with someone else.
7. We agree to handle money responsibly and each be financially independent of the other. This applies to all expenses.
8. We agree to each take responsibility for our own living space and the part that we share, we agree to clean together.
9. Agreements on sex:
a. We agree to do only what we want to do during sex.
b. We agree that we each have the right to say no without guilt.
c. We agree to have the right to stop when we get tired.
d. We agree to clear our space before sex.
e. We agree not to worry about time during sex.
f. We agree to ask for what we want.
g. We agree not to use sex for manipulation nor withhold it to get even.
h. We agree to use responsible birth control always.
i. We agree to stay in present time during sex and each make it as pleasurable as possible.
j. We agree to frequently negotiate and determine the type of sexual relationship we want to be in.
10. We agree to keep all agreements responsibly and use the amendment system for any exception.
Amendment system: An agreement as to the course of action to be taken when the agreement is broken. This is carried out and then the agreement is to be recreated, or not, with no leftover charge.