Thursday, April 08, 2010

Effectiveness in Asking for Help

Complaining seems like you are powerless and no one can really be helpful.
Whining seems like a childish way to get attention.
Criticizing seems like you know what is best and what is right.
Pleading seems like you are desperate to get the help that hasn’t come.

Requesting help sounds like you know what you want and how to ask for it.
Thanking another for the help they will be giving sounds like trusting and appreciating.
Praying someone will help you sounds like counting on others to know what and how to help.
Being clear about what you want and requesting it sounds like being responsible for yourself.

When we feel needy (sick, unprepared, incompetent, unknowing, impoverished, we need help.
We usually return to the habits of our childhood that seemed to work then.
We often assume others will respond as they did when we were dependent on our caregivers.
We rarely take into consideration the willingness, knowledge, skill and current state of others.

To be effective in asking for help, we need to first be in touch with our own state of mind and body.
To be effective in getting the help we really need, we need to be clear and wise in our choices.
To be effective we need to consider the needs of the other with the best timing and manner of request.
To be effective we need to be prepared to request exactly what we want allowing for other’s opinions.
To be effective we need to be willing to be grateful for any help we receive.

I feel scared and I want reassurance, and I am willing to ask if you can give me what I am asking.
I feel sick and I want help in feeling better, and I am asking if you have the ability to be helpful.
I feel ignorant and I want information, and I am willing to keep asking the questions.
I feel needy and I want comfort, and I am willing to comfort myself with love and peace.

What we need to be effective is to be clear about who we are asking, about why we are asking and what we are asking for.  When we are consumed with our own circumstance, we may forget  about our clarity, our request and the current state of the one from whom we request help.  Let us be open to hearing “no” and respecting the other’s needs with love and appreciation. Let us honor ourselves by not requesting from one who is incapable or unwilling.  Let us love ourselves well by asking for what we want from those who are capable and willing.  And always to respond, before, during and after with total appreciation, receiving the blessing with Love.

Loving us all in becoming more effective, 

Betty Lue