Thursday, July 30, 2009


What do you intend to communicate?
How can you get your message across?
Is it the responsibility of the sender or the receiver to be heard?
How can you deliver your message so it will be received?

As the sender, it is your responsibility to do everything you can to be received.
If you are simply focused on you and your message, unless the receiver is open, you will not be heard.
If the receiver is defensive, hurt, afraid, angry, unhappy, etc, your message will be distorted.
If the receiver is busy trying to send their own message or receiver another, you will not be heard.

As a sender of communication, it is your responsibility to send your message with consciousness.

First, clarify your own message and your underlying intention.
What do I want the receiver to hear?
Send your message only when there is an open line of communication and the other is listening.
Is the receiver ready and willing and able to receive my message right now?

As much as possible eliminate all distractions and noisy interference.
Turn off music, TV and outside conversation or go to a quiet non-distractive place.
Create respect for both sender and receiver, by first getting permission for the communication.
I prefer email because the receiver chooses his own time to receive and respond.

Ask directly if now is a good time for a “brief” or more lengthy communication.
I would like 15 minutes to share with you. When would be a good time?
Keep your communication brief, direct and non-attacking.
I feel…… I want (prefer, desire, intend)……. I am willing………

Watch and listen to the response of the receiver and even ask what they think they heard.
What did you hear me say? And how did it feel to you?
If in any way your message is being distorted or misunderstood, simply restate with your apology.
Wow! So sorry. What I intended to say was,………….

Communication means coming together as one or finding common ground.
If in your communication there is further separation and upset or conflict, it is the responsibility of the sender to check their own intention and make corrections.
Too often the sender is busy reacting to the receivers reaction and loses the basic responsibility of clarifying their sending and their message.

When you communicate, make sure you desire win-win outcome or a respectful connection.
When you set a high goal and do not quit or become defensive, you will succeed.
Bless yourself and the receiver when you both achieve a higher level of respectful connection.
Appreciate your willingness to take responsibility for the quality of your communication.

I respect you for being willing to learn, to find a better way,
Betty Lue
Notice that the Wednesday evening group twice monthly is about ALL respectful healthy relationships!