Monday, March 02, 2009

How To Respond

One of my readers asked m to consider writing a book on appropriate or positive responses in many situation.
This is my initial response.
It really doesn’t work to give global answers because each situation is totally unique.
The work we have to do is to wake up, be conscious and tell the highest truth we know, while listening within to our inner guidance.

When someone criticizes you…….
The criticism is always about the critic.
Whenever you feel judged or criticized, first know the critic is telling on themselves.
They are exposing a place of self judgment and projecting it onto you.
“Thank you for sharing.”(or simply ignore the comment). is all that needs to be said, with no defense, explanation or justification. Leave the critic with the taste of their own negativity in their mouth.
They will be more likely to think twice next time.

However, if the criticism pushes your buttons and hits home, it means there is something in your own self judgment that is calling for healing.
In this case, “Thank you for sharing”! is really gratitude for revealing where you have a healing need.
Do your own inner work to forgive yourself for any place you are withholding love from yourself. Forgive all conscious or unconscious mistakes and choose again for the highest and best for all concerned.

After an argument…….
Arguments are always about proving ourselves “right”.
This always creates a lose-lose outcome.
Even when we believe we are right and the other wrong, no one goes away without a loss.
When you find yourself arguing to be right or make the other wrong, stop…interrupt the pattern.
Make an excuse to go to the bathroom or get a drink, breathe and ask yourself if you want to be happy?
Choosing to be happy will take precedence over the need to be “right”.

Arguing is a bad habit and a waste of time and energy.
State your position once, and then stop and listen to the other’s position with an open mind.
If you differ, acknowledge and accept the differences respectfully.
There is no need to change the opinion or position of someone else.

If you are genuinely listening, you will find points of agreement which you can acknowledge.
If you have hurt and not heard another during an argument you can respectfully apologize for your ignorance andinsensitivity. You can demonstrate by example that doing what is not respectful and kind, is inappropriate. Defensiveness is a sign of someone who is fearful, attached and needs to be right.
It takes a conscious person to acknowledge errors in relationships.

When you receive unwanted advice….
All advice is always for the advisor, the speaker.
Many people who give advice without being asked and invited, think they are being helpful, even loving.
To be respectful, you can acknowledge what you value and ignore the rest.
“Thanks for caring about me and wanting the best for me.” You can change the subject and move on, ignoring the parts you didn’t appreciate…..or you might reflect back what you heard. “So how does that work for you in your life?” or “ I wonder what made you think I needed help?” It will help to not judge but rather give the other person an opportunity to become conscious about their communication.

Always seeking a better way to give and receive with love, respect and appreciation of the Good,
Betty Lue