Saturday, March 22, 2008

How can you tell the difference?

Loving is freeing and trusting.
In love we serve another.
Fearing is restricting and doubting.
In fear we try to fix.

We usually do for others what was done for us.
We often believe that our loved ones did what they did for Love.
However, often generation after generation are really living in fear and covering that fear with rules and protection and criticism.
Ask yourself are you really afraid for others and trying to control them to handle your fear?
Or are you really loving them by teaching and modeling and listening to what is really needed?

Do you believe in Miracles?
Miracles come from Love.
Miracles are created by serving with Love.
We can serve the planet, serve God, serve one another, serve our country and more.

Temporary cures and truces and compromise come from fear.
Fixing what seems wrong comes from controlling, judging, attacking the apparent source of our problem.
We retrain or try to eliminate what we fear.
And in our temporary “cure”, we stay alert, defensive and afraid.

Below we have a beautiful definition of the differences which I encourage you to read and try on.
Relax into loving service when and as you are called.
Listen within before jumping into fixing or attacking a situation with your care-giving and demands.
Take time to forgive your fears, criticism and defensiveness.

Serving our body, our friendships, our environment and our global neighbors might look like extending love, open-mindedness and appreciation. It might look like being respectful in listening to what is being communicated. It might be offering assurance when there is fear. Giving help when there is a request. Being patient where there is learning needed. Giving our best when there seems to be lack and limitation.
You see in the end, all willl awaken and simpy Love one another. But in the undoing of what has been falsely learned (apparent disrespect, ignorance, laziness, greed, self destructiveness, complaining, etc.)
It is always up to the most conscious and enlightened one (us) ato give our best with respect, wisdom, work, generosity, self care, and appreciation.

Be pleased and proud to be the conscious One.
Serve yourself with gratitude and affirmation.
This is a holy healing calling.

Loving you with All I am and All I have,
Betty Lue

In the Service of Life
By Rachel Naomi Remen

In recent years the question how can I help? has become meaningful to many people.
But perhaps there is a deeper question we might consider.
Perhaps the real question is not how can I help? But how can I serve?

Serving is different from helping. Helping is based on inequality; it is not a relationship between equals. When you help you use your own strength to help those of lesser strength. If I'm attentive to what's going on inside of me when I'm helping, I Find that I'm always helping someone who's not as strong as I am, who is needier than I am. People feel this inequality. When we help we may inadvertently take away from people more than we could ever give them: we may diminish their self‑esteem, their sense of worth, Integrity and wholeness. When I help I am very aware of my own strength but we don't serve with our strength we serve with ourselves. We draw from all of our experiences. Our limitations serve. our wounds serve, even our darkness can serve. The wholeness in us serves the wholeness in others and the wholeness in life. The wholeness in you is the same as the wholeness in me. Service is a relationship between equals.

Helping incurs debt. When you help someone they owe you one. But serving like healing, is mutual. There is no debt. I am as served as the person I am serving.
When I help I have a feeling of satisfaction. When I serve I have a feeling of gratitude. These are very different things.

Serving is also different from fixing. When I fix a person I perceive them as broken, and their brokenness requires me to act.
When I fix I do not see the wholeness in the other person or trust the integrity of the life in them.
When I serve I see and trust that wholeness. It is what I am responding to and collaborating with.

There is distance between ourselves and whatever or whomever we are fixing.
Fixing is a form of judgment all judgment creates distance, a disconnection, an experience of difference.
In fixing there is an inequality of expertise that can easily become a moral distance. We cannot serve at a distance.
We can only serve that to which we are profoundly connected that which we are willing to touch.
This is Mother Teresa's basic message. We serve life not because it is broken but because it is holy.

If helping is an experience of strength, Fixing is an experience of mastery and expertise.
Service, on the other hand. is an experience of mystery, surrender, and awe. A fixer has the illusion of being causal.
A server knows that he or she is being used and has a willingness to be used in the service of something greater, something essentially unknown.
Fixing and helping are very personal: they are very particular, concrete. and specific.
We fix and help many different things in our lifetimes, but when we serve we are always serving the same thing.
Everyone who has ever served through the history of time serves the same thing. We are servers of the wholeness and mystery in life.

The bottom line, of course, is that we can fix without serving. And we can help without serving.
And we can serve without fixing or helping. I think I would go so far as to say that fixing and helping may often be the work of the ego, and service the work of the soul.
They may look similar if you’re watching from the outside, but the inner experience is different. The outcome is often different, too.

Our service serves us as well as others. That which uses us strengthens us. Over time, fixing and helping are draining, depleting.
Over time we burn out. Service is renewing. When we serve, our work itself will sustain us.

Service rests on the basic premise that the nature of life is sacred, that life is a holy mystery, which has an unknown purpose.
When we serve we know that we belong to life and to that purpose. Fundamentally, helping, fixing, and service are ways of seeing life.
When you help you see life as weak, when you fix you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole.
From the perspective of service. we are all connected: All suffering is like my suffering and all joy is like my joy.
The impulse to serve emerges naturally and inevitably from this way of seeing.

Lastly, fixing and helping are the basis of curing, but not of healing.
In 40 years of chronic illness, I have been helped by many people and fixed by a great many others who did not recognize my wholeness.
All that Fixing and helping left me wounded in some important and fundamental ways. Only service heals.

Rachel Naomi Remen
Noetic Sciences Review, spring 1996 pp 2526