Friday, October 28, 2005

Seeking Help

Whether seeking help, support or advice, be sure you ask for what you really want.
There is a tendency to give our power over to the professional or friend who helps us.

The One who knows your heart is the Essential You.
The One who loves and cares about you is the Creator within.
The One who listens, laughs and forgives you is the Love in You.
There is a place you can trust within you now.

Yes, there are times and places we all need a professional-lawyer, therapist, coach, doctor, etc.
Yes, there are moments when talking with a friend gives us solace and comfort.
Yes, there are needs we have for hugs, smiles, words of reassurance that only come from loved ones.
And it is important to be clear about asking exactly for what we want from exactly the "right" person.

Recently I experienced being called in by a professional to confer about someone else's problem.
I was asked for my perspective.
I realized within a few moments that the therapist was opinionated, judgmental and threatening.
I heard negative labeling, anger and disrespect for his clients.
I realized that this professional was behaving and thinking more like a judgmental judge than a therapist, mediator or counselor. He was arrogant and righteous.
After experiences in other businesses with customers being gossiped about, made fun of, and abused by sales staff and service people, I realize this behavior runs across all professions.

My suggestion to all of us,
When you seek help from anyone for any reason:
Select someone whom you like, trust and respect.
Be clear about exactly what you want from them.
Clarify their ability to help, the cost and time frame.
Make sure they like, trust and respect you.
If they are not able or willing to help, move on.
You owe no one an explanation or justification for your choice.
If you experience misunderstanding or confusion, request clarification.
Make an agreement that only as long as both are served, you will continue.
Set the tone for all interaction by respecting and appreciating the help you value.
If you seek advice, make sure the one giving it is living it.
Any opinion, criticism is always for the critic.
Don't take on someone else's poison or opinions, or put-downs.
Walk away from those who are unkind and disrespectful.

We are all here together.
We are called to love, support and encourage one another.
Give yourself the very best and leave the rest.

Loving you,
Betty Lue