Tuesday, November 20, 2012

If It Is Not Working, Stop

If it is not working, don’t do it again.
If it is not working, do something else.
If it is not working, forgive the choice you made.
If it is not working, quickly make a new choice.

The adage, “If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.” teaches us to persist.
Persisting and not quitting is great, when we know we are on purpose and effective.
However, if we are off purpose, hurting ourselvesor others, it is not helpful to push.
To keep banging our head against the wall of resistance and defensiveness is foolish.

Sometimes our pride wants us to continue.
Sometimes our investment seems too great to cut our losses.
Sometimes we are asserting our power and want to win.
Sometimes we just are too scared, angry or stuck to see there is a better way.

What does it take to get clear about what to do?
We need to stop and assess the situation.
We need to clarify our intention and desired outcome.
We need to admit our own mistakes, misperceptions and misconduct.
We need to understand the areas of resistance and defensiveness.
We need to see others needs and wants as important as our own.
We need to be honest with ourselves about the feasibility of success.
We need to commit to what is best for all parties, rather than our own.
We need to take full responsibility, without guilt or blame, for the experience and outcome.
We need to gather support and agreement from those involved.

Fully communicating what we want as a preference helps not to attract resistance.
Expressing our desire to help, heal and create something beneficial for all, engenders trust.
Being willing and open to others’ input is essential to success when working together.
Giving up our need to manage, control, fix or change others will create more likelihood of partnership.

When faced with failure, egos and personalities often push harder or pull away.
When judged, attacked or blamed, egos often resist and defend their position.
When afraid not being heard, respected or being rejected, people often withdraw.
When we feel isolated, avoided, neglected or ignored, we may quit on ourselves and others.

Much of life energy is used to defend against what we don’t want.
What we don’t want is to be denied what we do want.
When we do want is to avoid what we don’t want.
In this mental conundrum, we get confused and afraid, defensive and stuck.

Better to state: (In writing and verbally affirming!)
I no longer give my power, energy and resources, away to what I don’t want.  ( this path is ineffective.)
What I do want is:
What I am willing to be, do and have to experience what I do want is:
I now focus always and only on being what I want, doing what I want and having what I want.

I believe in you. 
 I trust you to do what is best for You.
I know in you choosing what is best for you to do, I will be blessed too!
When I live with freedom and trust in my heart and mind, I am free as I set you free with me.

Love Is Freedom and Trust,
I am loving YOU! 
Betty Lue

Getting Free
(By Setting Others Free)
It is not unusual for us human beings to secretly wish and hope that the people we’re close to don’t become too magnificent. We don’t really want these significant others to be too free or too powerful or too creative or too successful or to dream too wild a dream. We actually prefer that they stay small, “manageable”, non-threatening, tame. After all, we don’t want to be made to feel uncomfortable or inadequate or diminished or challenged by the boldness and joyfulness with which someone else lives his or her life.
But, until we are willing and actively desire that the key people in our lives be totally free and powerful, we cannot be free and powerful ourselves. So, here is an affirmation-prayer that may help us begin freeing others, so that we can begin to free ourselves.

I, _____(your name)_____ want you, _____(his or her name)_____, to be the highest, clearest, most powerful expression of God that you can be. I would not limit you in any way, knowing that only as I encourage you to expand, explore and grow, can I myself be free. So I fully support you in being and expressing all that you are.
I want you to go where you feel called to go, to speak and act as you feel guided, and to express yourself in whatever ways seem right. There is nothing I do not want you to do, for I know that all movement is contained within God and always leads us to Him.
I am at peace with whatever decisions and choices you make, no matter how they may seem to affect me. Since I know that God loves and supports me perfectly, I know that however you choose to be with me must be a manifestation of that divine love and support. Because I trust God, I trust you. And because I trust you, I trust myself.
So, be free, be powerful, be unlimited. And know that I, _________, want you, _________, to be the highest, clearest, most powerful expression of God that you can be. I fully support you in being all that you are. 
Randall Keller