Saturday, February 25, 2006

Speak up or Stay Silent?

Do you know when do be quiet?
Do you know when to share your thoughts and feelings?
Are you really good at communicating?
Are you effective at really listening and understanding the other?
Are you able to have your message received?

Respectful communication is a fine art.
Get clear about exactly what you the outcome to be.
"I want us to come to a mutual understanding and both feel heard and respected."
Ask for permission about when and where to communicate.
"When would be the best time for us to share with one another?"
Declare what you want to discuss to prepare both yourself and the other.
"I am concerned about…and want to come to a decision after understanding both our perspectives."
Suggestions for helpfulness shared ahead of time.
"To be helpful, I am going to reflect and write down what I think might make the best decision for all."
Be grateful for the consideration of the other.
"Thanks for agreeing to meet with me and taking some time to get clear so we can make good decisions."
"If you have questions or concerns about how best to do this together, please share with me."
To be clear, concise and committed to a positive outcome is essential in creating a good result.
Allaying fears, defensiveness and resistance help make the way smoother.

Always listen first.
Wait until the other is done, before speaking.
"Are you complete?"
Let them know you have heard.
"What I think I heard you say was….Is this correct?"
If there is interruption or distraction, ask to reschedule or set some guidelines ie. 5 minute each to talk.
"This may be a difficult time for us to listen to each other. How about if we reschedule when it is better?"
State your feelings and wants and willingness.
"I am feeling………about ……..and I want … be the outcome. I am willing to……… to resolve this."
Then ask, "What are you feeling? What do you want? What are you willing to do to have it?"
Seek first to understand. Do not interrupt. Drop your position and listen with your heart and mind.
Look for places of agreement. Listen for the underlying messages.

If there is anger, resentment, complaining, it is not time to make the best decision.
Stop and be sillent. Listen inside for guidance.
Clearing negative emotions is essential to find places of unity.
Listen and flush. No need to respond with words. Forgive and let go.
Let nothing hurt you. Be defenseless. Focus on desired outcome.
Be silent and listen when the other is defensive.
Stop all postures or words of attack.
Drop all attempts to manipulate, convince or try to be right.
Defending your viewpoint will lead only to arguing.
Listen and diffuse the resistance.
Look at the decision from the other's perspective.

Remember this perspective on effective communication comes from someone who believes arguing and fighting is a waste of energy and leads to loss rather than peace and mutual respect.

Loving you,
Betty Lue

"Whatever your brother asks, do it, unless it does harm to him or to you." ACIM
Remember you are looking for the outcome which is beneficial to all. No one loses……

Don’t forget next Sunday Free Seminar on Practical Feng Shui , 1-2:30PM, my office.
You will get a as much info as you would in a day long workshop! Let me know.