Friday, November 30, 2012

Relationships Basics

Criticism Does Not Work.
(This includes nagging, demanding, threatening, blaming, belittling and withholding Love.)

All criticism is really about the critic.
It is information to be responded to with Love and respect.
Ie. “Thank you.” Or “ I hear you.” Or “I trust that is what is true for you.”
When we recognize they are telling on themselves, it is a request for forgiveness and Love.

If the criticism is helpful for us, it is valuable to use it to make positive changes.
Others’ criticism of us is an invitation to for forgiveness and new choices.
It is always valuable to thank those who help us to change in positive ways.
This encourages respectful communication.

Guilt Does Not Work.
Guilt often creates more of the same behavior.
Guilt limits, contracts and get us stuck in repetitive behavior..
Guilt often leads to shame, blame, withdrawal and avoidance.

When people express anger and blame, they are feeling guilty about their lack of Love.
When people feel guilty about whatever they have done or have not done, they may blame or withdraw.
When people blame or withdraw, they are calling for forgiveness and Love.
When people are separating, detaching or leaving us, they are demonstrating their lack of love and guilt.

When our partner or friend or stranger feels guilty, they need our forgiveness and love.
When another is attacking or withdrawing, we must not take it personally.
When they imagine they have hurt or offended us, they feel more guilt.
When they feel more guilt, their behavior worsens with more attack and/or more withdrawal.

If we can be aware of the effect of guilt, we remember forgiveness and love are the solution.
If we do not take on their attack and criticism or withdrawal and rejection, we will offer Love.
If we take nothing personally and know it is theirs to heal, we can let it go and allow Good to flow. 

This is true for children, teens, marriage partners, friends, coworkers, and even ourselves.

How To Effect Positive Change

Using behavior modification is a simple and effective way to create positive change 
1.     Ignore the behavior you want to extinguish or undo.
2.     Reward the behavior you want to encourage and increase.

As we learn to praise, smile and appreciate everyone everyday, we can truly effect change.
It is our positive responses and reactions that create positive behaviors,. 
We can learn to eliminate our own negative reactions and ignore the behaviors we dislike.
We will remember that where we give attention (positive or negative), the behavior increases.

We make the difference we want to see in ourselves and others with praise, appreciation and positive regard.

Loving and Appreciating our willingness to be the change we want to see.
Betty Lue

Relationship Perceptions

·      Perception is a mirror, not a fact.
·      What we see in another is a projection of our history and our internal judgments.
·      Therefore, we see what we want to see in the moment, what fits with our current ideas, beliefs, and attitudes.
·      Relationships are an opportunity to become a spotless mirror.
·      Relationships show us where we are stuck in our opinions and self-judgment.
·      Healing our perceptions, clearing our relationships, loving everyone equally, and cleaning our mirror is the purpose of the world and physical experience.
·      Present moment experiences reflect past similars. We recreate past patterns until we come to peace and clear our misperceptions.
·      The major portion of all relationships with lovers, spouses, children, employers and friends is to clear the past.
·      Awareness with no judgment is healing. Simply notice.
·      We are responsible for our experience and receive what we have asked for exactly as we have asked.
·      Everything works together for good.
·      To consciously give ourselves and our relationships to Spirit is to allow the undoing to occur in an easy, natural way with trust in the outcome.
·      To the degree we respect ourselves, we are respected by others.
·      To the degree we abandon ourselves, we are abandoned by others.
·      To the degree we listen to and honor ourselves, we are listened to and honored by others.
·      Also, to the degree we love and trust ourselves, we can love and trust others.
·      So, it behooves all of us to clean up our own relationship with ourselves—to let go of everything that blocks us from respecting, being with, listening to and honoring, loving and trusting ourselves. Indeed, this is the cure-all for relationships.
·      The simple truth is that the outer reality is but a reflection of our inner thinking.