Monday, May 17, 2010

Differences Accepted and Respected

Where there are differences, there often is judgment and criticism and trying to change others.
We learn to conform or seek compliance by others to concur with our preferred ways.
We tend to avoid or blame others for being different in how they think, behave, relate and communicate.
We may have learned that love is being the same and agreeing rather than accepting existing differences.

Men and women usually think and communicate, work and relax, very differently from one another.
Men are easily confused with emotional communication.
Men prefer to handle one issue at a time with singular focus.
Men are 100% on, working hard with linear focus and no interruptions. Then they need to 100% turn off.
Women use emotion to energize their communication.
Women talk about many topics in one conversation, often in a circular manner.
Women tend to be on and aware of the complexity of tasks and life needs 24/7.
They forget to take a break until they get sick or have a problem.
Women need to find better ways to care for themselves so they don’t badger or bitch at their men.

People come from very different family systems, lifestyles, standards of self, family and home care.
Where there are values differences, greater acceptance, understanding and respect is required.
When people of different backgrounds live together, there needs to be clarity, negotiation and respect for differing needs and expectations.
When these areas are non-negotiable there tends to be battles for power and control.
When demands, threats, blame and guilt, are used, couples tend to create distance and resentment.

The quality of communication, habits of relationship, standards of home and self care, child-rearing and marital compatibility all refer back to what was usual and customary in our family of origin.
When there were dysfunctional or unhealthy patterns, they tend to recur until there is a wakeup call.
When we become conscious of a problem and are willing to make new choices and change our mind,
we can begin to build new patterns of behavior, attitude and communication skills.

It is essential that we stop blaming others and take total responsibility for making changes within ourselves.
It only takes one to stop fighting.
It only takes one to bring acceptance and respect to a relationship.
It only takes one to undo unhealthy habits and beginning choosing again for a better way.
It only takes one and that One is YOU!

If you prefer a better way to live and love, to give and receive, to relate and communicate, commit today.
No more talking back, resentment, threats or demands.
Begin today to think, talk and treat the other with respect and understanding.
Healing the wounds of hurtful behavior may not happen overnight, so stay the course.

Blessing us all for our willingness to find and live a better way,
Betty Lue