Monday, December 27, 2004

Expect the Best

This was written last week in response to a Mom handling her family during Christmas break.
However, I want to add that with those you don’t live or have any emotional leverage, they may feel attacked and resist unless there is good reason and willingness to change.

Are you disappointed by the quality of relationships with children, friends, partners and parents?
How about honing and fine-tuning your relationship skills?
Are you dismayed by the lack of respect or consciousness in those you live and work with?
Are you distracted by the noise level, gossip, tattle-telling, fighting and lack of cooperation at home?
Are you dismayed by how little gets done and how much complaining and dependency in those you love?

What do you expect?
Expect little and that’s what you get.
Disrespect yourself and your time, energy and money and others will, too.

If appropriate…
Consider writing to yourself and each of your family members a note of what are the qualities of an ideal mother of a child their age or of a wife.
Then write the qualities of what you imaging to be the ideal qualities of a child of their age.
Let them know you believe you can improve the quality of your relationship with one another.
Make sure you acknowledge that you see and appreciate where you are both living what you value.
Clearly forgive yourself for your failings and forgetfulness.
Forgive then for not living up to your unspoken expectations.

Begin to teach them what you value everyday.
“I really value...
I like it when you....
I so appreciate ..for helping me clean up.
It feels good when ....listens to me.
I am so happy when you sit and read a book.
I am pleased that you are talking with me at the dinner table.
I love how we can take walks….:

Do the same for those you spend time with consistently. .
Be specific.
The Christmas holidays are a great time to begin this new way of teaching, reminding and being clear yourself of what you really want, rather than focusing on what you “don’t want”.
Kids listen to the loudest voice.
If you yell when they are fighting and are smile with words when you appreciate,
the fighting gets more of your attention and grows.

I know you can do this.

Remember managing your home and thepeople in it is similar to good workplace management or classroom.
Be clear, consistent and communicative.
Go for the highest outcome.
There may be initial resistance to a change, as human beings get stuck in habits and familiarity.
Expect and give the best.
Do not settle, sacrifice or be silent.
You can do it. Never ever quit on what is good for everyone.

Loving you,
Betty Lue